Just a Girl

~Depression~

This is the story of a girl. Her name? It doesn't matter. She looked around the age of seventeen, maybe a year older. She was an average teenage girl, mostly wearing black clothes which fits into the 'emo' or 'goth' type of clothes.

She didn't went outside often, preferring it to stay inside by her own where no one would question her behaviour or stare at her for her looks. If she met with friends, she was cheerful and happy, laughing and joking around in every possible way but when she was alone, she just stared at old drawings. She was an artist with an always fresh canvas. Not only Did She use paper as canvas though, it often was her skin which would be changed into a wonderful piece of art with the crimson color of blood.

But she was clever enough not to let it see anyone, which is why she used the less seen part of her body, her thighs. But why this sadness, she wondered and asked herself often. I have a loving family and wonderful friends she would tell herself. She once talked to a friend and told her that she felt sad, not telling her about the emptiness, numbness and uselessness she felt deep knotted into her mind.

It's only puberty, a phase her friend replied with a gentle smile, only a hug given as help it will end soon the friend added, thinking it was only that.

After telling her friend and not finding any help, she went to her mother and father, telling her about sudden sadness, hallowness.  Oh sweetie, They would start it soon will be over, it's just hormones playing with you. Would be their explanation. Their way of helping her, once again just being a hug.

That is when she decided to keep it to herself. The pain, the sadness and emptiness she felt...it was better untold.

She went on in life like a soldier, but every soldier carries their weight, their wounds, and so did she. Silently she faught against the enemy, not realising that the enemy was the one looking back at her when she looked into the mirror.

What was it, that made her feel so sad, she wondered. What would make someone feel hallow without a reason? She had ideas, only thoughts of what it could be, though she didn't want it to be true so she pushed the thoughts aside like another crumbled paper when she failed to draw.

Her drawings on paper got darker, sadder, more meaningful but no one seemed to notice. No one noticed that the smile she wore every day was a forced one, that the cuts which had now wandered to her wrists were not just the cat. But she kept on going, wearing that smile everyone wanted to see.

Once she sat with her friend and talked about deeper things. Sadder things. Depression is a demon, killing you from the inside but you can't do anything to avoid it.  Her friend said. Was it depression that hunted her? It could be.

There are things she wanted to forget about, things which she remembered when she was back in the swallowing darkness of her room. Things that happened to her which could have caused this so called demon. She once was touched, not being able to fight back in fear of consequences. She was lied to by her own father, being tossed around by him like a toy. Only small things, others have had worse she told herself and continued her battle as a soldier.

When she looked into the mirror, she stared for seconds, minutes, hours..her reflection would mock her, tell her how weak she was until she grabbed her weapon again and started to work on her canvas. How pretty she thought it looked like so why stop?

It got worse but no one noticed. She got weaker. Not only did her canvas get more details, she also lost weight. People told her like it was a complement so why stop? People appreciate her more when she was starving herself but that doesn't mean she is sick, that's what her thoughts told her.