The first snow fall of the season came as unexpected as Oh Sehun’s realization that he was really truly and deeply in love with his best friend. As the change in weather unveiled a new season, so did his personal revelation.
Denial was shot through the window and never seen again. He didn’t need to question why his heart raced like he was on a caffeine high every time his best friend came around or why the sun came out when it was raining offensively hard during the height of the monsoon season.
It all made sense and questions were no longer relevant.
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One of Sehun’s faults was his passive personality as well as his cowardice. Often times he would allow whatever was happening to just happen. Intervention was almost never an option, but it wasn’t because he never cared to intervene. Often times he was too scared to speak up.
Too scared of what might happen to reality if he changed it with his words, Sehun never spoke much.
Compared to the bright sunshine that his love was, Sehun was a gray palate of colors. And although he knew his love was genuine, too scared to speak and too self-conscious of taking the first step towards internal happiness, he let his love go.
One morning he was the best friend of the only boy he’d ever loved, and the next, he was the best friend of the boy he willingly lost.
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Watching his best friend fall in love with another man silently murdered him on the inside. Every smile to the happy couple pierced a bleeding hole in his heart.
Although black and gray colored Sehun’s world, his world was becoming painfully white as even the shades of dark began to wash away with every dry tear that refused to physically fall from his eyes.
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Luhan was the best and worst thing that God had ever created and put in front of Sehun.
His laugh and the way his eyes twinkled in the sun jerked Sehun out of his bland world and into life. But although Luhan possessed the most beautiful eyes Sehun had ever seen, they were completely blind to the sadness buried behind Sehun’s features.
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During the last Christmas of their high school year, Sehun watched as Luhan came to school with presents, undoubtedly for the boyfriend that Sehun wished he was. And although it pained him to do so, Sehun met him halfway the school yard and carried the gifts for him.
“Thank you, Sehun,” Luhan said as he smiled and fixed his scarf. “I shouldn’t have brought them all at once, huh?”
Sehun gently smiled. “You should’ve just called me earlier. I would’ve carried it all for you then.”
“I know,” Luhan nodded slightly. “But they’re for Jongin. I didn’t want to burden you.”
“You’ll never burden me.”
“I don’t want to put that assertion to the test,” Luhan laughed for a bit before he slowly stopped and gave Sehun a solemn look. “I didn’t get you a present yet…”
“It’s okay.”
Luhan gave him a look before looking back at the school building as they closed in. “I wasn’t sure what to get you.”
“What I want isn’t available.”
Glancing up towards the sky, Luhan hummed. “Well, I’m sure I can find it online if it’s not available in stores, right?” Grinning, Luhan closed his eyes. “Tell Santa Luhan what he can get for you, Sehun,” he teased.
