bea (h.s.)

one

The last year has been the most draining one that I have yet to endure. I loved a lot and lost even more, and during all of it I ended up losing myself. That's why I've made the decision to step away from the life that has caused me so much grief so that I'm able to find myself once again. I came out to my family as bisexual and it changed everything. My parents kicked me out of the house and I moved in with my best friend, Olivia. She was helping me to get back on my feet until she passed in an accident caused by a drunk driver. I thought losing my family was hard, but I didn't think I would survive the loss of Olivia.

It felt like I was drowning and everything around me was falling in and pushing me deeper. The only person that kept me sane through everything was my friend Ava. We met on Twitter when we were 15, and even though we have never met in person she has been my rock. We Skype for countless hours every day and she listens to me and I listen to her. She went through a really bad breakup with her ex and felt trapped in her life. 

It started as a joke that we would pack our things and move far away from the lives that we currently lived. As we would joke about it we both realized that it could actually be what both of us needed. I could hardly pay the bills living on my own, and she needed to regain control of her life.

We had no idea where we were going to go. We needed something different for both of us. She heard someone talking about Freeport, Maine and how beautiful it was. We looked into it and felt that it could be a good fresh start for us. Neither of us had been to Maine before which in a way made it even more exciting. It took us a couple months to figure everything out but we found a small apartment and each of us found jobs.

Tomorrow I leave Pittsburgh and drive north in search of a new beginning. This is the first time I'm really taking control of my life and doing something for myself. Part of me is terrified but the fact that I won't be in my comfort zone makes me excited that things will change, for the better. 

---

The drive went by way faster than I was expecting it to. I think my adrenaline was at a high and I was just excited that it was finally happening. The first thing I did was pick up the keys from the realtor and I went to check out the apartment for the first time.

It was small, but to me it was perfect. I called Ava to let her know I had gotten the keys and got to the apartment. She said she was only a few hours away. We're both so excited to start this chapter of our lives and to make up for 6 years of friendship that was confined to the internet.

I didn't have much to unpack so I bring all of my things in and decide to wait for her to arrive to go pick up things we needed for our apartment. I don't even have a real mattress yet so I blow up the air mattress that I've been using since my parents kicked me out. I put on all my bedding to give the illusion of a real mattress. By the time I'm mostly settled in Ava will arrive in a couple hours so I decide to take a nap in the meantime.

---

I wake up to knocking at the door and I check my phone to see that a couple hours have gone by. I get up and go to the door to see Ava and a pile of her belongings.

"Bea!" She jumps into my arms. We hug each other tight for the first time.

"You're really here," I say as she picks up her things to bring in.

"Only six years later, can you help me get the rest of my things from the car?"

She leads the way and we bring all of her things inside. I help her unpack and settle in and we catch up along the way. Other than Olivia she has been the easiest person for me to talk to. We can talk about anything and I'm comfortable being myself around her.

We finally unpack the last of her things and make our way to the living room. We both sit in the middle of our (very) empty living space.

"This is our new home," she lays down and stares at the ceiling and I follow her lead.

We check the time and it's 8pm so we decide that we'll go to the store the next day to shop for more things for our apartment. A couch will probably be a good start.

"I heard about a nice local bar downtown. It's like in the movies on a dock outside," she turns to me.

"The only appropriate way to celebrate leaving our old lives is to get drunk at a seaside bar, of course. Maybe we'll even meet some hot locals," I tease.

"This idea keeps getting better and better," she jumps up, "now we have to get ready for some local hotties," she winks at me before walking to her room.

I laugh to myself as I stand up and make my way to my room to put on some makeup and fix my hair. I finish getting ready by putting on a yellow romper and walk in to Ava's room just as she's finishing getting ready.

She turns to me, "Ohhh, someone looks like a total babe tonight," I spin showing my outfit and play along.

Thankfully the bar is in walking distance from our apartment so we don't have to worry about getting an Uber back. We both grab our phones and bags and head out the door ready for wherever the night takes us.