Thank you for your interest in dominating the world, a dynamic new field filled with rewards and yes, some challenges. Many people believe world domination is not for them, but surprisingly, once they try it many agree it's fun and engaging. This handy checklist can help you get started in the exciting new hobby everyone's talking about!
STEP 1: Choose Your Name
A proper name can liquify the bowels of both enemies and friends alike.
STEP 2: Choose Your Methods of Conquest
Everyone needs a plan. Having a backup plan B might be wise too...
(check all that apply)
*Destabilize the economy
*Replace world leaders with cunning robots
*Gain control of the media and brainwash the masses
*Infiltrate the Illuminati
*Raise an army of the undead
* Subvert the world's religions
*Armies of laser-equipped Animals
*Create evil clones of yourself
*Infect everyone with a hideous disease
* Blow stuff up
STEP 3: Pay For Your Crimes
Let's face it, world domination is not a cheap hobby. Please choose at least one method of finance:
* Steal
*Assasinate a billionaire and assume their identity
* Carry a cardboard sign
-Please Help
-God Bless
-Need $$ to dominate the world
*Host a fake charity
*Sell door-to-door cosmetic products
*Have a rich relative
*Sell stolen stuff on eBay
STEP 4: Name Your Partners in Crime
Doing it yourself can be risky and lonely. There are organizations and people who can help:
*VillanCult
*The Injustice League
*Illuminati
*Russian Spies
*Internet hackers
STEP 5: Choose Your Weakness
Every psychopath has a weakness. Sad but true. We won't tell!
* Candy
*Water
*Shiny Objects
*Dogs
* Fear of Aliens
*Bananas
*True love
*A magical amulet or whatever
STEP 6: Choose Your Laugh
There will come a day not so far in the future when billions will cower in fear, awaiting your triumphant cackle of glee. What will they hear?
* MUHAHAHAHAHHA...!
*HA! Losers!
*Snicker
*Snort
*Silent glare
STEP 7: Choose Your Final Solution
Goals are important. What will you do with the world when it is yours?
*Destroy it
*Destroy it and rebuiy it
*Pave it over with concrete
*Create a new dystopian society
*Sell it to aliens
STEP 8: Give Notice
Entirely optional, but many world domination enthusiasts prefer that their victims feel the cold dread of anticipation. How will anyone know what's coming unless you tell them?
*Newspaper ad
*Word on the street
* Campaign
*News
* Television ads
_ Food/Shopping Network
-Children's Programming
*Tattooed on the foreheads of sleeping children
*Posters
STEP 9: Make it Global!
When you spread the word, make sure other countries see your word!
STEP 10: Celebrate your victory! Congratulations on completing the checklist! Many famous world domination enthusiasts started exactly this way, and have all had interesting and sometimes very rewarding experiences as a result. We hope you enjoy your new hobby and wish you luck.
