She Was Loved

She Will Never Be Understood

Heyy!! My name is Maria im 13 and i love dogs...lol random i know but its  true. Anyway i was born May 24, 2001.  But anyway im your normal teenager, well atleast thats what people think,  i have many parts of me you would've never guessed where there.

Starting with the fact that i self-harmed and i hate my body.And before you stop reading or leave just know idgaf. Just kidding but seriously theres so many people out there who do the same things i did. Whitch is why i decided to write my own story.Well mainly becouse my friends were all doing it so i was like why not. Speaking of friends,  i miss my friends so much its crazy theiy were  my loves i love them so much there names were Roshambia,Natalie, Serenity, Haidiyah, Lita, Ana and i loved them so much i dont see them in person anymore but they are always on mind and i whatch over them.But anyway this is just the introduction now onto my life.....

May 22,  2014 thats the day i will never forget becouse thats the day the best boyfriend in the world came into my life his name was Jerry  he was the love of my life. It all started with one of my friends birthday she invited Jerry to the party and i had my eye on him the whole time he was so hot. And a couple days after was 7th grade field day and he was there. I kept doing stupid stuff to try to get his attention and i guess it worked becouse he called my friend Lita and she went and came right back to me and said "whats your kik" i replied "dont you know it haha anyway its maria_loveyuu" and she just ran away i was kinda curious as to what was going on and she didnt want to tell me. My anticipation was high. Later that day i was laying down and i got a kik message i saw it and it was from Jerry i was so nearvous it was crazy and then it came to me i quikly called my friend Lita i screamed "omg omg omg he texted me!!" "Did you give him my kik, is that why you asked me for it??!! " she replied "yes haha im so happy girl answer him!! " "screenshot the whole conversation!! " and i did we texted the whole afternoon and he asked me "so what your ideal boyfriend like?" and i told him "he has to be cute, nice to me, respects my decisions, and know how to treat his girlfriend" he answered "can i be that lucky guy?" i literally yelled so loud i think my neighbors heard. I kinda played "hard to get" and told him "i will think about it and ill tell you tommorrow" he replied "you better!!" and i was shocked and responded "and what if i dont" trying to be cool about it he said "i will kiss you untill you answer" at that moment i think my heart fell to the ground. I was so happy that i just said "yes!!" and we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I was the happiest person. The next day i saw him and we hugged i was a little shy and i regret it. But little by little i lost that and he would chase me and we would kiss and hug i was so happy untill school ended we talked on the phone for hours  untill like 4 in the morning. I missed him so much. And then the day came the day that we thought and said its not meant to be. It was a day that i tried holding my tears in but i couldnt. Months passed and i still thought about him and cried. And it wasnt because it was over it was mostly because he was so caring and loving and i miss him. And he might not even be thinking about me. And i kinda lost hope of ever talking to him.And one day i recieved a message from him we talked and he confessed he missed be i tried being strong but i cried even more becouse i knew no matter what we wouldnt work out.

You know i think with love you have to be careful becouse the most beautiful things can turn out to be the most deadly,  i mean his kisses where like poison they enchanted me into his spell. His hugs made me feel protected.But love is like that it makes  you believe one thing and it turns out to be another. It sucks but thats how i works.

But time has passed and i became wiser stronger and better. I had my best friends and thats enough there were  always there for me. I also had my sister Natalie whitch i loved even though we were not concidered sisters anymore.

But i had other things going on in my life. I self-harmed and people judge others who do that and i dont understand why. I believe everybody will eventually do it wether it's becouse you wanted to,  or because of peer preassure,  or just out of curiosity. But then again i dont know thats just my opinion. I mean i started doing it when i was 9 and that was because i was curious as to how it felt. But as i got older i started hating myself i thought i was fat and ugly. So evertime i would eat i would cut as a punishment for eating and everytime someone called me pretty i cut cause i knew they were lying.

But now its all ok.Because now im in peace, resting, whatching upon my family and friends. I have god right next to me and we have a good time. I always whatch my friends going out with their boyfriends.

And yes what you read is right it was on August 15 , 2014 the day of my 8th grade prom i was eating and i went to the bathroom to cut.The blade penetrated my blood and i fell to the ground.My bestfriend Kristen came into the bathroom and saw me, but it was too late i watched as she carried me into her boyfriends car and yelled telling him to take us to the hospital.The worry in her eyes was big i could tell she wanted me to live. But that didnt happen.

And my intentions were never to die i just knew that if i ever went to far i wouldnt care, and thats exactly what happened.

Maria Guevara May 24, 2001-August 18, 2014