A drip of sorrow, misery, & relief

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Having no control is an obnoxious feeling. It's dreaded and feels like having no soul. Emptiness overwhelms me, my darkest hour. A cycle that keeps repeating for no apparent reason but to torment. Triggered by an unknow force. I feel depressed and lonely yet I am surrounded by the same people that once used to bring me joy and brighten my day. It truly is unbearable to not know how long it is going to last . I don't know which is worse having people that you try so hard to impress ignore you or losing faith in yourself.

It is of the worst things ever to lose sight and perceptive. Everything is so dulled down, different yet the same. Wondering and drifting with no purpose, no hope. Having so much, yet so little. Wishing for both death and life. Being skilled at so many things and still failing so hard. Not for lack of trying, but just because it is what it is.

Should I end it all? But, what kind of person will I be then, a quitter or a martyr. Seeing and knowing that other people, my self included, go through the same and come on top. Me having gone through it all again and again. Waves of relief hits me from time to time. And could sometimes see a shining light that leads out of this necropolis that is my mind. It is both my greatest tool and my worst enemy. Turning on me within a tick of the clock without warning. Leaving me adrift in emptiness.

A true love or an arch enemy. I have lost all meaning. Voices calling and I ignoring. Confusion and betrayal. I am lost for words. Am I sad or happy?

Trying so hard to befriend the faceless masses. Who is worthy of being the one of many...