The Lamp Fic

"PHIL!" Dan called, voice echoing throughout the almost empty aisle in the home store. He was browsing through the paint cards, trying I choose a new color for their shared room.

"Yeah babe?" Phil asked, approaching Dan with what looked like a medium sized lamp. "What do you need?"

"I was wondering which blue you want- what are you doing with a lamp?" Dan wasn't aware they needed a new one. "Oh, I was thinking we could try this out, like the umbrella."

Dan smiled, remembering the past few days of weird umbrella sex. Grabbing a random hue, he grabbed Phil's hand and raced to the checkout.

They scrambled home with two buckets of paint and the newly purchase lamp.

-----

Once home, Dan went on a hint for lube, while Phil set down the paint and sanitized the blue lamp.

" Hey so, I couldn't find lube, since we've been using pancakes batter, but I did find this." Dan says, leaning against the doorframe holding up a bowl of brownish mush.

"What is that?" Phil asks, horrified.

"Well, we didn't have any cereal so, for breakfast I crushed up malteasers and mixed them with milk. It tastes quite good." He replies, sticking a finger into the mush and bringing it to his mouth.

"You really wanna use that?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Okay then."

Dan saunters over to the bed, grabbing the lamp while Phil stripped off his clothes. He wanted to bottom this time.

Dan scooped up the lukewarm, brown, mush and smeared it on his fingers, teasing Phil's hole with one. Slowly, Dan slid in his first finger, hearing the mush squelch as he pushed it in. It dripped down the side of his hand, and he noticed it looked a lot like oatmeal.

Pushing that image out of his kind for fear of vomitting, he quickly slid in the next finger, pumping and scissoring the oatmeal look alike. He pumped in his third finger, thrusting deeper, watching as the mush squelched out of his stretched hole.

Fighting back bile, he added his fourth and last finger and pumped. He quickly removed his fingers, wiping them on the blue and green blanket, and lubed up the lamp.

He poised the skinnier end of the lamp at Phil's gaping hole. He could see the malteaser mush inside and gagged. He quickly pushed in the small end and let it sit, before pushing in up to the light bulb.

"You alright, Phil?" He asked staring at the man with his face screwed up into a cute grimace.

"I think I know what it's like to have oatmeal inside of me now." He said reaching down and sliding his fingers on the mush dripping in clumps down his leg.

Dan thrust the lamp in and out of Phil, changing the angle to where he knew he'd hit his prostate. Phil cried out and started pushing back, making the squelching louder.

"Dan- I- I'm gonna-" He abruptly but off with a shout, coming all over his chest and clenching around the lamp.

The lamp exploded into shards if light blue glass, piercing Phil's hole and cutting into his thighs.

Blood and malteaser mush mixed into a disgusting mixture in Phil's now almost empty hole.

Dan put his finger in, trying to fish out a much glass as possible. He got some of the mixture on the corner of his mouth and licked it off.

That gave him an idea.

Before Phil could protest Dan's tongue joined his fingers, scooping up the redish tan mush. He quickly got it all and was left staring at Phil's red gaping hole.

He could see the glass more clearly now, and he got a quick snack.

He plucked out the pieces, scooped up the remaining lamp, and threw it all away. Then he settled down next to Phil for a nap.

----

They buy new lamps every couple of weeks and always keep malteaser mush in hand.

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