Unfortunate Gift

An Undeserving Life

I see myself sleeping in a normal bed.

My mind free from the previous nightmare in the day.

I wished it stayed just like that.

Because it was the only time that I felt happy.

The dream world where I temporarily stayed made me wish I could just live there forever.

But I couldn't.

Of course I couldn't live in a dream.

I wake up.

All the terrible memories fill back into my once calm mind.

My smile now returning into a default frown.

My sigh didn't make a difference.

My tears streamed down my face didn't make a difference.

My exhaustion with living didn't make a difference.

I knew that today is just like every other day.

Eat, hear a family argument, cry about my rejected university, be all so depressed about me, and then sleep.

A common routine that happens in my family.

If I could call this a family.

But whatever it may be, I just have to live with it.

They expected a bunch from me.

But I fail it for them.

They expected me to be great like others.

But I end up nowhere near the others.

Yet, my heart still beats on with the pain.

High school doesn't seem to make things better.

It's safe that's for sure.

But is it truly safe from all sorts of personal issues I hide deep in my mind?

Everyone talks about their car, their friends, their acceptance into college, and just about what they would normally discuss.

But I don't mind if I can't fit in with them.

I'm not like them anyways.

I may be a Senior in my high school where I should have a college ready to go by now.

But of course that wouldn't happen.

Because a chunck of the world has to target me specifically.

We all should know that we aren't perfect, but they'll take in anyone that's perfect.

Doesn't make sense? Because it truly doesn't make sense at all.

But, who cares.

Those people in better colleges won't have to brag about the same news over and over again.

No one will care about their colleges once it comes into true reality.

But, I would never know.

I'm not like them anyways.

Back at home, hugged my mom.

Still is disappointed with the whole college thing, but who cares.

The same argument we make everyday is still in effect.

Almost nothing great happens in this home.

I rarely ever have people come over.

I rarely ever talk about school.

I rarely ever have people care about me.

But, who even cares at this point.

I always end up forgetting their constant rants about my future.

I don't have a future.

My future has already been ruined long time ago.

I should've been dead when I was a Junior in high school.

I should've been long dead since.

But hey, now it's time to sleep.

Still alive somehow.

But at least I lived again to see another dream to waste my night on.

Hopefully tomorrow would make a difference somehow.

Oh wait, I forgot.

The only difference that it'll make is just extra arguments.

Well, better than nothing I suppose.

Goodnight I guess.