¿Si fuera él ? || woochan

¿Si Fuera Él?

I walk through the same isles
Once
Twice
A hundred times more.
Waiting for him to return. As long as I breathe I will wait for him. Once again our song plays through my headphones as I walk.
"I should've lived on without knowing you. How was I to know that I would go crazy from sadness like this?"
But as I stand, I'm only dedicated to you the words of him flow over my ears, they tell me to leave, they say that the singer is in despair, they are desperate.
I'd like to believe I'm above that.
But here I am. Alone, desperate, and in despair waiting for him to return as I walk the isles of this god forsaken store one more time like just once he would appear and we could live happily ever after.
I walk a little further and out my peripherals I see it, I see him. I go to look, I turn, hopes as high as they can be; only for "him" to disappear with the passing daylight. Maybe I've truly gone insane. Maybe my desperation made me hallucinate. But then once again out the corner of my eye I see him. I turn around to hold him and all I'm met with is my own reflection. And for once in a really long time, I look, but I don't look, I stare, I attempt to comprehend the figure looking back at me as it is not the one I remember. The countless days of going to the places he loved draining all the color from my skin as I looked weaker as I kept staring. Countless hours of crying in the middle of the night wishing he'd come back to me left dark circles under my eyes and tear stains on my cheeks. I looked insane. Maybe I was. No matter how many times I stood there, no matter how many times I walked around this store, no matter how hard I cried, there is no bringing my Channie back to life. The world was cruel to him so he left it, however he forgot to take me with him. No matter how many of his favorite places I sat in, he was never coming back. I've realized this a thousand times over, yet I still go home everyday, to beg and plead with whatever took him to bring him back to me, to have him next to me as we stared into space and spoke about nothing, letting the silence talk for us. And then, I wake up and start the day anew, the same store, walking the isles from opening til closing hoping he would just appear, hoping this was all a dream, a terrible nightmare, but I seem to be living one as I keep finding myself walking in everyday just to walk around and try to find him as if he was hiding behind the candy isle. The one with all his favorites. When he would go a spend $20 on a 5lbs bag of Swedish fish for no reason. He just liked them that much. When he was found dead in his apartment the bag was still there, half full, I couldn't bring myself to see the damage, couldn't even collect my things from his place. For all I care, they're his now, wherever he is. But I'll be damned if I don't wake up tomorrow to walk back to this fucking store and walk these isles one more time, just incase, just maybe, that wasn't his corpse on the bathroom floor.