Things felt awkward for a while, and Dean was starting to ignore Cas more and more. Cas wanted to talk to him about it, but was afraid he'd lash out again. All of the chaos caused Cas's anxiety to grow to dangerous levels. He felt depressed and worthless.
He was nothing without Dean.
One night it got so bad that he resorted to drastic measures. He locked the door to his room and frantically searched through his drawers for something sharp. His shaking hands stumbled upon an old pencil sharpener.
With tears streaming down his face, he removed the blade. "D-dean," he cried as he dragged the blade across his wrist. He watched as the blood seeped out slowly. He cried hard. Harder than he ever had before.
He didn't say goodnight to Dean that night.
...
The next day Cas wore long sleeves to school (even though it was 80 degrees outside). He got in Dean's car and didn't say a word. The car ride was long and silent. This has never happened before, and they felt very uncomfortable.
When they finally arrived to the school Cas reached to grab his books on the dashboard and Dean noticed something. "What the fuck is this?" he said grabbing Cas's wrist and pointing to the freshly cut wound. Cas pulled his arm from Dean's grasp.
"It's nothing, Dean."
"Bullshit. Castiel Novak, you are not getting out of this goddamn car until you tell me what this is."
"But Dean we have class."
"Class can wait. This is more important." Cas felt the walls closing in on him. No not now. He tried his best to resist the anxiety attack. Dean spoke again but this time his voice was soft and gentle. "Cas? You can talk to me, okay bud?" He places his hand on Cas's shoulder. "I'm always here for you."
Cas took a deep breath and let it all out. It was hard for Dean to make out the words, through all the loud sobs. "I didn't know w-what to d-do Dean. I d-didn't know what to d-do. I just f-felt so sad and I thought I l-lost you and I was-scared."
Dean held onto Cas's hand. " Cas, you did this to yourself?" Cas slowly nodded his head. Now Dean began to cry. "Oh, shit Cas. W-why didn't you call me?"
"Last time I was having anxiety p-problems you got m-mad, so I didn't want to b-bother you."
"Cas. Never ever do this again. Please. Next time you even think about it, you call me." Cas was still sobbing so much he couldn't speak. He nodded. "Cas, you've never thought about hurting yourself before, right?" Cas didn't answer. "Cas?"
"I think about killing myself a lot." Dean felt like he was going to throw up. Now he was the one who couldn't speak through the tears. He grabbed Cas's face and pulled him into a kiss. Cas was not expecting this, especially after how Dean reacted the first time. "Don't you ever say that again. Ever."
"I'm sorry, D-dean. But if it makes you f-feel any better, you're the reason I haven't."
"Cas, I love you."
"Dean, I love you so much and I'm sorry. But, what was the kiss for? I mean not that I didn't mind it, but I thought we established that wouldn't happen again?"
"I know, and it shouldn't, but I just wanted to show how much I love you. And you said best friends in other countries do it. So it's okay, right?" Cas agreed, but deep down he knew it meant much more than that.
YOU ARE READING
forever bliss - destiel au
Fanfiction[completed] Cas and Dean had been best friends for as long as they could remember. Since they were next door neighbors, they did everything together. In fact, the were practically inseparable. The only reason Cas tried out for the football team, was...
