Family Lies

Insecurities/1❤️

Amari's POV

"He doesn't love you, you get this feeling like something is gonna happen to you and all the walls are closing in and you are just weak you sit in your bed just crying because there is nothing you can do and you just feel like ending it all" I wrote this in my Journal tearing up a little bit.

Hi. My name is Amari. I live in Louisiana with my mom, my little sister  Jamila and my twin brother Omari. I am 16 about to be 17 next month. I'm brown skinned and about 5'4 with Curly black natural hair. I don't do weave. I just don't see the point when I have hair to style.

I'm kinda a loner. I like to sit and read or write by myself and not bother anyone. It's been like this since I was 12 . Something happened to me and I just completely shut down.

I still have nightmares till this day. I'm trying slowly to regain trust from people and to forget my past but every time I try those people pop in my head. My family still doesn't know till this day.

"Can you drive me somewhere please" my brother said as he came in without even knocking knowing I hate when he does that. I rolled my eyes and said "why can't you do it"

He poked his lip out and said "please Mari I need to go to the store" I don't know why he does that I'm only two minutes older and he acts like a fuckin baby

I rolled my eyes and shrugged then said to him "I'll be in the car ima wait 1 minute and if you not in the car yo ass getting left"

He laughed the ran to his room and grabbed his shoes cause he knows I really would have left his ass.

One time when we were younger I was going to walk to the store and he asked to go but he took to long so I left his ass. He ran down the street struggling to put his shoes fully on and I just laughed.

I got my car first then shortly after he got one but he got into a accident by being stupid tryna do some dumbass trick for a girl.

Now his ass is car less looking stupid cuz my momma was definitely not finna pay for that shit. She said when he gets money he gotta pay for it.

I was waiting in the car about to pull out when Omari uglyass came running out the door looking outta breath.

I laughed as he came in the car breathing hard asf and he just looked at me then stuck the middle finger at me.

I laughed then did something petty. As he was putting on his seatbelt I stepped on the gas and he flew back then I pushed on the brake making him fly forward.

He looked at me as I played it off like nothing happened. When he finally got his seatbelt on I pulled off fully and the whole car ride was silent.

When we arrived I stayed in the car and he got out and I saw him speaking to a few boys who were standing outside the store.

I was writing when I heard a knock on the window. It scared me as I seen a brown skinned boy with curly hair and a earring in. I was hesitant to roll my window down and I was scared asf but I rolled it down really slow.

He looked at me and said "Wassup I'm KJ" I looked at him with a weak smile and said "umm ok hi" he looked at me confused asf and said "that's it I can't get your name" I looked a little nervous and said "no you may not" then I rolled up my window and he walked off

I closed my eyes trying not to tear up up because I was so scared. I didn't want to recap what happened to me in the past.

When Omari came out and got in the car he looked at me like I was crazy and said "what's wrong with you" I looked at him before punching the shit out of his arm and I said "you took to long"

He sat back in the seat and lifted up his sleeve revealing a bruise then looked at me as I smirked but quickly stopped once I saw his fist tighten.

"I'm sorry O" I said touching his arm as he pushed away and he just remained silent. I hurried up back to the house before he killed me.

My brother had anger issues really bad. He gets them from our father someone we don't speak of because it brings back memory's that shouldn't be brought back.

My father Melvin was abusive to our mother and one night my father came back from the club drunk and he started hitting my mother while screaming at her and Omari walked in on them and started fighting him. And he was only 12 so he got his ass whooped and then my dad started putting his hands on him and my mother.

Whenever I tried to stop them I would end up getting hit or thrown somewhere. One night I was home alone and my father had come home with my uncle.

I was minding my own business but then they both started touching me and then rapped me. I was screaming and crying. I have changed since then and was never able to look at my father or my uncle again. And I couldn't tell nobody because they told me if I ever did they would kill me.

I went mute for a whole month and never told anyone. My family grew suspicious but I didn't tell them I just said it was depression or the thought of my father beating them.

Eventually my father grew tired of my mother and he left her. She ended up taking him to court and getting 50% of everything he had and on top of that she was pregnant with my little sister Jamila who is now 5.

When we got back to the house Omari didn't say anything to me he just went inside. I decided to give him space because I wasn't tryna die.

I went into the kitchen where my mother was. She was a light brown skinned woman with curly hair and she was about 5'6.

She was cooking spaghetti with my sister and it looked like they was making a mess. I went up and hugged her then bent down to hug jamila.

They continued to do what they where doing as I left out and went to my room. I put my headphones in and listened to music as I finished writing my poem in my Journal.

I STILL FEEL THE PAIN
IT FLOWS THROUGH ME CONSISTENTLY
REMINDED ME OF THEM AND WHAT THEY DID TO ME
I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT
WHO DOES THAT TO THEIR DAUGHTER
I SHOULD JUST END IT ALL...SHOULD I???

My mind began to go into a dark place as I closed my eyes to keep from crying but I couldn't hold them in. Tears filled my eyes and I was sobbing again.

I know I probably should be over it bye now but I couldn't let it go. Who the fuck does that to their own child.

I opened my eyes to see Omari standing in my door way. It like we have this twin thing and it lets us know when the other one is upset

He looked at me in concern before he sat down beside me and said "what's wrong" I shook my head not saying anything but he lifted my head up which caused me to flinch and he asked again more strictly "what's wrong Mari"

I wasn't going to tell him I just had to make up a lie and I took a deep breath and said "while you were in the store some dude was being disrespectful". Only part of that was a lie though because a dude did come up to me

He looked at me and said "Mari what he say" I shook my head because I didn't know what to say and he hugged me as I wiped my eyes then got up and we both walked out hearing my mothers voice say "come eat"

After I was done I went back to my room and listened to more music while writing and drifting off to sleep.

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