Family
It is such a simple term. It should be a simple thought and a way to define who is our family. But it isn’t for the majority of folks. We have this need to define in detail who it is we consider a part of our family. In fact we have many families that either we claim or that claim us as being a part of it.
We have our work family. These are the people who we see every working day and have, for some reason or another, become important to us. We lunch with them, share stories and heartache with them and sometimes the tragedies. We can sympathize with them as well as empathize when the need is there. In some instances, the company considers us a part of the family, but only if things are going their way. But at the end of the day, we go home and forget about them.
We have a similar family in the various groups we belong to. It could be the civic group, the fraternal group or even our church. We are considered a part of this very tight knit community. We share a common bond with them. In a civic group it is a desire to help our community and to make it the best we can. For a fraternal group it is about definition of the person through a common teaching method of initiation that all must go through to join. One that has binding obligations on all its members to help each other. Our church is a family as it is based on a common belief among the group that we strongly believe in as being a truth. Whether it be based on rituals, a method of being taught, a way of living, it binds us to each other. It requires that we participate and care for each other.
Our extended family is much more ambiguous in comparison. These are the people we take into our lives and actually care and worry about. We suffer their losses with them and fly into the joy of life at their personal goals, life events and when their true love is met. They mean something because they have an indescribable quality that we love to be around. We consider them a brother or sister, a niece or nephew, a dad or mom, or the uncle or aunt, but they are as much our family as is our bloodline family is. Both sides have chosen to be there for each other. It is a special bond that binds them.
On the other hand we have our real family. These are the people we are related to by bloodline or marriage. We have no choice but to include them into our lives. We may not like them at the moment or we can be ecstatically involved with them on a daily basis and can’t get enough of them. We may not interact with them on a regular basis because of logistics or time. We truly can’t disown them though we say we will or have. DNA can’t be changed to prove they aren’t. We love them for obvious reasons, they are family.
Our children are ours to love and care for unconditionally. Only a parent can understand that idea. We may be upset with our son or daughter for a time but we still love them. We can and usually do forgive them for the hurts that they cause in life that we feel. We will protect them from the bad things in life with all our abilities, available assets, and our lives if needed. They are a gift that is with us for a short time as well as forever. They grow so fast and yet they still are our babies. We look at them and wonder where the time has gone, it was just yesterday that they came home for the first time.
They may have been of our creation through our love of our partner. They may be a part of a “package deal” if we were to have remarried later in life. Or they could have been that very special child we adopted out of love for the individual. Of course every child is special to us, they are ours.
When we marry our spouse we become family to each other. We are starting a new way of life. One that includes the other in all parts of it. One that cherishes the others abilities and strengthens them to achieve something they never thought they could do. They are a team. A team that, while separate, blends their unique abilities to form a whole. They hold the other up when they are down. It may be clumsy in the beginning but they are trying. While neither understands the thinking of the other initially, they grow to read the others thoughts or feelings. They believe in the other, have faith in their spouses decisions and support them unconditionally. They mould each other to be the best that they can be.
Where I see a problem with many couples today is that they forget a part of the marriage agreement. It is that it is a sacrament to each other. They forget that they need to see into the other persons soul and feel how God is attracting them to each other. The Creator needs to be in the marriage and be present in each of them and calling to them in a way only they will completely understand. They need to understand it is not just a ceremony with a reception. It is a vocation, a job, a career, one that is lived and worked on daily and built upon.
A wife is the soul of the relationship and a teacher of values. She is a life bearer, a mother, a lover, a partner in all sense of the word within the marriage. She lives for her family and all the things that make it strong. She is a subtle strength that is rarely seen but it tangible and stronger than any appearances will ever give an outsider. She is a model on what it means to be a mother and all the requirements her children never realize are there. She may work outside the home, but she creates the home.
A husband is strength, protector and provider in the relationship. He is a creator of life, a father, a lover and a partner in the marriage. He is the initial provider to the family. He is a protector, in fact the first line of protection to the family. He gives of himself so that his family has food, shelter and a model of what is means to be father.
As Christ so loved the Church so should the Husband love his Wife. This is a stumbling block for many marriages as both sides forget what it means. Christ gave up his life so that the church would be saved. A husband is Christ and his family is the church and he has taken the vow to protect it at the cost of his life so that they may be saved from harm.
I need to point out that I noted the father is the first line of protection to his family. He will do whatever is necessary to keep his family together from the outside world from hurting what is his to protect.
If the husband is the first line of defense, then the wife is the secondary line. She may defer on some instances for another time or place. That does not mean she has less strength, it means that she will protect at all costs and by whatever means it takes for her family. There is nothing more fierce than a mother in protection mode.
I am saying this as it seems our perception of marriage these days is that if the partners have a disagreement they should dissolve the marriage immediately without trying to work on it. There will always be arguments and trials in the beginning of a relationship. It is a time of changes and adjustments, for both sides. While both sides see someone they like and feel that they can be moulded into a better individual, one needs to remember why we are together and not to overdo the reshaping. How often have we heard the phrase “they aren’t the same person I fell in love with”? What happened during that time? Did they change as you asked?
We need to get back to some basics. These basics involve communications between each other. To form a common ground and bond that is understood by both sides. To learn about each other before a commitment is made. To continue to grow and assist and adjust as the years go by. To never say something that we may regret later, it may be what we are feeling but it is better not to say it as it may do more harm then the good one perceives it will. To learn to walk away for a few minutes when the words get heated and then return and talk calmly. To never go to bed angry with the other. To never demean the other in public or even in private. To support the other so that the same type support can be returned in kind. To love unconditionally. To enjoy each other as our Creator intended us to.
With Wishes for a Peace Most Profound
