Darling Boy

My Darling Lissa

Lissa and I met in what I think was February of 2016, but I could be way off since I'm not good with dates. We met on Wattpad because at the time I was writing my first fanfiction "Beauty And The Freak" (which is horrible by the way) and she enjoyed the story and decided to follow me. One day I got bored and went online and asked if anyone wanted to play twenty-one questions with me, and since she was following me she got a notification for my post and decided to message me and take up my offer. We played for a bit and learned a lot about each other in a short amount of time, I found out what her favorite colors were (purple and orange), her favorite band (Bastille), etc. and it was just overall a really nice time!

Luckily this game was just one of many, and we ended up playing a lot together. Neither one of us ever kept track of how many questions we were asking or answering, we'd always just play until one of us got busy or it was too late to continue. Sometimes we wouldn't even play or we'd just randomly stop playing to talk normally, this is where I feel we truly started getting close. At some point the game was just completely forgotten and it's been years since we've last played it. Now that I think about it, I have no idea what I'd even ask her if we ever played it again. Her favorite colors are still purple and orange and her favorite band is Cavetown (I think this counts as a band and not just a singular artist? If not then TØP is another one of her favorites). So yeah, bad writing and a little game of twenty-one questions is what started it all.

If I had to use only one word to describe Lissa, it would be passionate. She knows what she wants in life and she's chasing that dream with all her might, the only time she stops running is to help someone in need (be it a close friend or random stranger). She is a Hufflepuff no doubt and her heart of gold is what drew me (and many others) in and I'm so lucky to have her in my life. I'm the line art and she's the color, without her my life would be lonely and dreary. I don't know what I'd do without her. I know that I'd be fine, I don't need her like all the unhealthy relationship representations say I do, but I want her, and that's perfectly okay.

I was in an awful state when we first started getting close, like this time marked the worst time of my life. I was grieving the lost of my father, questioning my sexuality and gender identity (which went against my family and religious upbringing), etc. and I had no one in my life I could count on and turn to for help. But I was wrong, I did have someone I could count on and turn to. It just took me a bit to realize it. She was there for me and offered her listening ear (or eyes in this case) and encouraged me to talk without pushing me into it, and asked for nothing in return.

"Am I lesbian? No that doesn't seem right... What if I'm just trying to be different? A special snowflake. My name makes my skin crawl.... Why does being mistaken for being a boy feel so good? What is wrong with me!?" During these dark times in my life I was so angry at myself for having questions like these in my head and when searching for answers I only found more questions. Lissa helped me realize that it's okay not to have all the answers, and ironically this led to me actually finding some answers.

My name is Colin, and I'm an aromantic trans guy. I'm not a lesbian, I'm not a snowflake, "my name" made my skin crawl because it wasn't my name, I wasn't being "mistaken" for a boy, and there's nothing wrong with me. Now I haven't quite figured myself out completely, but I'm getting there, and I have her to thank for that. She stood by me as I questioned and switched to my correct name, pronouns, and labels and I have no idea where I'd be had she not been there for me.

All I needed was hand to hold in this big angry world, she reached out and I cautiously grabbed her hand. Now years later I stand confidently with her hand in my own. Occasionally I retract that hand and hide away, not because of her, but because sometimes I get scared and confused and feel the need to run away from it all. She's always there waiting for me when I return for her though. Maybe one day this won't be the case, maybe she won't be there when I return, but for now this is enough, and I will always cherish these moments we've had.

We officially got together as a queerplatonic couple on July 21st, 2018. She's the one who asked me of course, lord knows I don't have the guts for starting a conversation like this. She's not my best friend or my girlfriend, she's more then that, she's my darling. This is going to sound insane but it's true, I never saw myself having a future before I met her. Now when I picture my future she's always there with me, hand in hand as I said before. I'm turning 18 in March of 2019, and my dream is to go and see her as soon as I am able to. I'm ready to ditch this dingy state I've been stuck in my whole life and join her in wherever she wants to go, I'm ready for an adventure...

Now I have no idea if any of it makes sense, but if you're able to grab anything from this chapter then I hope that you see that Lissa is an amazing person and deserves the world! She has a heart of pure gold and she's gorgeous both inside and out. If you'd like to learn more about her then please check her out, she's LissaWho5!