Stuck in Uncertainty

Words Left Unspoken are Easier to Type

Words Left Unspoken are Easier to Type

I'm releasing myself from this safe-haven I've created into the real world. Heh... Quite honestly it sucks. I've always been this story-maker, creating my life to be so damn magnificent but in reality I'm trash. I have the world's biggest anxiety for school. Stupid right? I made the world's most beautiful girl fall in love with me while I was in my fantasy. I became encased in it. Stuck like I was in a cage. My depression was stuck with me though. We were constantly fighting for dominance in that cage. The only way for me to win was to feed it something that would satisfy the beast. It liked blood. Stories. Then I'd be in control and reign, even for a short time. But you see. There's always a catch. Kind of like those Get This Free! coupons but you always have to buy three of it first. My catch was I wasn't really happy. You see, when I fed the beast it gave off this aura that masked all the sadness. It was so strong it could mask the sadness from even my girlfriend at times. It was like a drug. Made me weak to the point I couldn't see myself slipping into the beasts jaws. How could I? Then he'd have me, restoring himself to the crown. I've had several nights where I have cramps even though I don't get my period for a week still and take pain relievers just to nullify the pain of taking a blade to my skin. Makes for beautiful scars. I like scars so the more the merrier. The pain the beast enjoys but I cant give him full satisfaction. This is our struggle. I pulled my girl into my struggle with her own beast, which in my eyes is a beast disguised as a puppy, and we battled together. Now I have my escape planned but I can't leave her. Her beast is winning now. I can see it trapping her in the corner even though she swings her blade at it's throat. I now notice the beast closer now that mine is dying, awaiting for it's revival. I notice that it's me. I'm fighting her, slashing at her skin. Our beasts are me. I can't kill them or harm them without hurting myself. More beasts surround her. Her end is nearing. Then the beast that is me slashes at her heart and she falls. I watch weakly. That's all I can do. I grab my blade and bite my lip, pouncing away from my escape into the battle, slicing at the arms and legs at the beasts, tears falling down my face. I can feel the pain. They all crumple, weak, and I gather her in my arms. I pull her to my escape and put her on the edge. No longer able to talk I hand her the blade and collapse to my knees, head bowed.

I don't know is she can tell if I'm sorry. I don't know if she can tell I love her. I know I've became her monster. She has the decision now to slay me and escape. If she takes it I won't know. My beast is now inside me and I feel so helplessly weak.