What does she want?

The friends

   We all have friends right??? We have the best friend, close friend, party friend, chill friend, druggie friend and the fake friends. Oh yeah we have some fake friends and not just meaning their fake to you, but you are also fake to them. Don't try and act like you haven't done it. You have smiled in that friend face, complimented them, laugh at their dumbass jokes etc. I'm not afraid to admit I am a fake friend and I have fake friends. Period. Well let's just say I have a bunch of friends ranging from all categories of friendship.

    Well I have one best friend who I truly feel comfortable around. I had two, but that's complicated. Anyways, my best friend Zuri is literally the best. We are low key the same people in certain aspects, but also oh so different. Then I have my druggie/semi bestie/my bitch Joanne or jo for short. We meet each other my sophomore year in high school. We both worked at the same amusement park. She would always come in high or some type of drug. I was the shy, chubby girl that never done anything. When we met we just clicked. I honestly can be my self with her and she doesn't judge because she has been through some shit! We legit have been through a lot together, but lately we haven't saw much of each other due to life and shit.

   My other two close friends I met in college. They are the ones that really developed my double life. Actually we all built a double life that our family doesn't know about. They are sweet, crazy, kind, but they don't even know everything about me. See the sad thing about having friends they don't even know the real you. Yeah we say we have best friends that we tell them everything, but can you honestly say your best friend knows all parts of you. I know for a fact none of my friends know everything about me and that's by choice. Each friend has a section that makes up me. If you were to gather all my friends and piece those sections together you may figure out who I am. Shit I don't know myself at times. The real questions is do we really know ourselves and I'm not just talking about the surface shit. I am talking about the ugly, nasty truth the shit we are to scare to admit to ourselves. This shit that keeps us up at night or better yet the shit we bury inside and hope no one figures it out. We all like to say we know aspects of ourselves and we keep evolving. That maybe true but those very dark moments we have at night when no one is watch those are the moments we tap into without trying. That's we see who we really are the true person in the mirror. Friends cover the mask, we create those friendships, we choose who want to be our friends. So, the friends we chose are the people we decide to mirror ourselves to and tell sections of our self.

What are friends? And how authentic are those friendships? Friends give us comfort and help us not feel so alone. But sometimes friends can't feel that void. If they did.... well I wouldn't be living this double life... would I?