-Love is our true destiny. We arn't ment to expirence life alone, but with another.-
ALL WE CAN DO IS OUR BEST, AND SOMETIMES THE BEST WE CAN DO IS START OVER:
The cards I held in my hands trembled. WHY AM I HERE?! WHY CHRIS?! I AM SO STUPID, IT WASN'T EVEN YOUR FAULT! BUT I DIDN'T KNOW HE MENT IT! Tears welled up in my eyes to the point the audience just became one huge blur. All I had to do was get through this speach and I can forget about it all. I can't cry over something I caused. "Hello everyone. I give my sencere condolences to those in loss, and i'm truly sorry for the reason we gather today." I tryed to have the most caring tone in my voice and gave a soft smile of sympathy trying not to show the pain I REALLY felt deep inside. "I don't want to be up hear too long so i'll make this speach quick," I cleared all the gunk frroom in my throat from all the crying before and continued. "We all new Chris in many different perspectives. But if we all had to describe him I know mostly the same adjectives would be thrown back and forth like; kind, caring, hilarious, and just a good guy. He never deserved this, no one deserves this. This wasn't how things were ment to turn out of course not. But they have, and as sad as the cercumstances are we, as Chris would say, just go with the flow man." There were a few sad chuckles and murmers from the crowd, even I foreced a laugh out from the memory of his deep funny American voice that soothed my ears whenever I heard it but of course I can't hear it any... "So that's exactly what I am going to do, as hard as it is all anyone can do. Chris was an amazing man, he was in fact, the BEST I ever knew and the greatest thing of all time to ever have happened to me.And at times like these, we just have do our best and sometimes the best we can do is start over." That seemed to be the only true thing about what I was saying that the bones in my body wanted to beleive. One huge heck of a lump formed in my croaky throat which made nursea to kick in and I almost couldn't speake. But I HAD to do this, for Chris. "Chris was the love of my life, and I will never forget him." I looked just infront of where I gave my speach, to the glisterning black coffin with gorgeous white handles and a cross at the front where he lays. I slowly walked down to it along with my whole body feeling as though on the erge of collapsing, then gently layed my hand ontop of it stroking it as i'd stroke chris' beautiful skin and hair. Tears had dwelled enough and refuesed to stay in my eyelids any longer so they burst free and waterfalled down my face. Causing my leggs to collapse, I just soon looked like a heap on the ground my head in my hands and mascarra running down my face. I clung onto the stand that the coffin rested on for my dear life, my long black dress serounded me like a cloud. It had a flower embrodery sewn into it. It was beautiful, but when I'm wearing it half the beauty is dragged away just be my sadness. For a moment there It was just like I was hugging chris, I never wanted to let go. Just wanting him to climb out of the coffin fine and alive so we can live together and I can love him again. I was a broken mess and I couldn't hold it together anymore, how will I do this without him. Is there even a way anymore? A warm hand touched my shoulder and helped me up off my helpless place on the ground, wrapping me into their warm breasy arms and rushing me out into the harsh outer world where there are terrors just like the one I have to face today. Whoever captured me in their grip kicked open the church doors and light burst into my eyes, obviously all their hands were occupied by my feet dangling on the floor behind me. I thudded to the ground, everything spun around, scilence fell and so did my vision.
I opened my eyes and looked around me, I was under a tree and a sweet delecate brezze swept through me hair lifting it slightly up and down. I hiched myself up trying to get up and find everyone, I stumbled down the hill falling head over heals, literally atracting even more attention then before. Like a cat I landed on all four feet saving myself from a broken nose. A face suddenly appeared before me. "Crystal dear, I just come with us and get some rest. You need it." I could just make out who it was, Lisa Chris' sister monkey gripped my hand and yanked me up to my feet. "O-Ok t-thanks for h-helping me up." I painfully forced out a smile on my face. I don't even know why she would bother we havn't spoken since the big fight we had a couple weeks back. Last time we shared company she made her thoughts clear by usuing frases such as; 'F**ck off' and It's all your fault this has happened" and "you are a murderer who needs to be in-prisioned!" My ears started a throbbing sensation which made me cringe a wifi symbol into my for-head. I hoped into Lisa's white car and we drove away, I don't even know where we were headed.
"If you would like to throw a rose onto the coffin please do." The priest came around with a bucket of roses handing one to the people who wished to throw me being one of them. I took a rose, the thorns stabbed into my skin leaviing a minny creator and blood dripping all down my finger. I could feel evryones eyes on my back as I threw the rose down. I knew they all hated me for what I had done, I hated me too but I just couldn't give up on myself like that. I watched as if in slow motion as the glisterning ruby red rose hit the coffin bouncing up then down and catching in the handles and staying there.The priest poured the rest of the roses down there like orange juice, they all shimmered around the coffin in perfect positions. I stepped away for the first time without stumbling, and looked at the glum faces behind me. They looked my up and down, I looked over to Bob, Chris' brother Lisa, his sister, Jone his mother and Dean his father. The people most important to me besides my own parents had disgust written in bold all over their faces. The guilt in the depths of my stomach was to hard to bare, I grit my teeth grinding them, pretending it is the guilt trying to push it down. But it seemed the more hate I gave it the more power I fed it. I stood at the back, out of sight as they say, out of mind. My parents had been away for the last year and a half, they had missed it all but have been informed of the tragedy but not the reason, but instead I fed them a lie so they wouldn't worry too much. They are around the other side of the world in Australia and wont be back in London for a while, luckily they wern't here today to see me in such a state. The last time they saw me was on my wedding day when they skyped me. I have to admitt they arn't the best parents but they are good enough. I only have one person that has stood by me all these years even to this very day since we met at work in the toilets when she was crying over her cat dying. That person is Sal Weebly and she means the world to me. The berial ended and everyone started to leave, they all went to a pub down the road called 'O'donoghues'. A place me and my Mum used to go to when she got time off her stupid work and when she used to actually cared.
I sat down at the end of the table near the window away from everyone else. I felt a few evil glances thrown at me while we ate fish and chips. Me and chris used to eat fish and chips all the time by the beach and watch the sun go down in the summer. I can understand why everyone hates me so much, I'm not so fond of myself lately either. I gazed longinly out the window spying over the endless shores that Chris and me used to walk along in thw whispy night breaze. They were the days when I was actually liked atleast by his family. I can just picture it now...
HI Y'ALL!! ENJOY IT THEN READ ON!! I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!! JUST WARNING YOU THAT WHAT I AM TO DO EACH CHAPTER ONE IN THE PESENT TIME AND THE NEXT BACK WHEN CHRIS WAS STILL LIVING. JUST THOUGHT I WOULD SAY THAT. ENJOY THE REST OF THE STORY MOLES!! :))))))))))
