Leda and the Swan

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

LEDA, a beautiful woman in her mid-twenties lies in bed beside ZEUS, the father of gods and men. They are naked, but covered by blankets, both staring at the ceiling. White feathers are scattered on the bed and tangled in Leda's hair and damply stuck to her body.

ZEUS: So...

LEDA: Yeah.

ZEUS: You really didn't know it was me?

LEDA: It's not that I didn't know it was you, exactly.

ZEUS: You seemed pretty shocked when I turned back into a god, Leda. And it's not like we didn't talk about this.

LEDA: I know! I know. I mean, I did know it was you, obviously. I just kind of forgot, I guess.

ZEUS: What you're saying is you just thought you were having sex with a swan?

Leda rolls over to face Zeus.

LEDA: You don't need to be a dick about it, okay? This whole swan thing was your idea, Zeus.

ZEUS: Of course it was my idea, but I didn't think you'd be more into a swan than a god.

LEDA: Neither did I, obviously.

ZEUS: Wait, I was just being hyperbolic. You were really more into me as a swan?

LEDA: Look, "more" is such a difficult thing to quantify, you know?

ZEUS: Not really, no.

LEDA: Okay, fine. Real talk. I was way more into the swan than I thought I would be. I don't know if it was how soft the feathers were or getting kind of gently nipped by the beak or what. It was just really hot. I got carried away by the whole thing, so when you turned back into yourself, I was just a little bit startled.

ZEUS: You looked disappointed.

LEDA: Do we really need to go into that? Shouldn't you be happy I enjoyed myself?

ZEUS: Of course, yeah, I wanted you to enjoy it, but not more than you would enjoy having sex with the king of Olympus. The turn on for most women is that I am Zeus, not that I can have feathers.

LEDA: Most women? Do you have swan sex a lot?

ZEUS: This isn't about me.

LEDA: It is now, bird boy. You're acting like I'm all weird for being into this, and you're the one instigating all this feather-banging.

ZEUS: It's not like I do this all thetime.

LEDA: But you've done it more than once.

ZEUS: Yes, but it's not like swan is my go-to or anything. I've been a bull, eagle, cuttlefish, just kind of whatever I'm feeling.

LEDA: So, you just go around turning into animals to have sex with women?

ZEUS: Well, to have sex with humans.

LEDA: You have sex with dudes.

ZEUS: Is that a problem for you?

LEDA: No, I'm just surprised.

ZEUS: More surprised than you were that I'm not a swan?

LEDA: Are we seriously back on that?

ZEUS: No, it's fine. I mean, you're not my only lover or anything. You can go find yourself a swan to sleep with. I hope you two are very happy together.

LEDA: I have a husband to sleep with, thank you very much. Remember? The whole reason you were a swan in the first place?

ZEUS: I know, I was just trying to be--

LEDA: Hurtful?

ZEUS: I guess. I haven't faced rejection very often. It's not easy to deal with.

LEDA: It's not rejection. The sex was great. Just focus on that part.

ZEUS: I'll try. I should probably turn back and head to Olympus before Hera gets back from Crete.

LEDA: Would you mind turning into an eagle or something? I just--

ZEUS: I understand.

Zeus gets out of bed.

LEDA: Thanks. And... can I ask you a favor?

ZEUS: Am I granting you a favor as a god, or doing you a favor as a lover?

LEDA: The latter, I guess. I just want to know the names of the other women you were with as a swan? I want to talk to them and kind of see how they felt about it.

ZEUS: Sure, but I'll have to ask them first.

LEDA: Of course, yeah. I respect that. Thank you.

ZEUS: Sure, yeah. I'll send Hermes with a message.

LEDA: That's probably best.

Zeus and Leda share a look. Zeus exits.