Caution: This would be a heavy one.
For 20 years, I always thought myself as someone who's pabigat.Not because i eat a lot. But because i'm one of THEM. I know this isn't new anymore.I know i've talked about it a lot of times. " Speak up! it'll help you heal " they said and so I did. as i said, a lot of times. My closest friends or even my classmates from gradeschool to high school, my blockmates from college cos duh it was one heck of a novel when I shared these things to you during retreat and of course my closest friends, best friends, former best friends knew about this. I now this wont matter after shared cos that's how things work.. Some people would be interested in your story at that very moment but wont be there and consider what you have been every time. But i need no pitty, dont misunderstand me, All i need is a little of your consideration. Sooooo anyways!
So this is the start. My mom and dad had PMS during their good old days and nope that isn't the Premenstrual syndrome but the premarital sex. and yeah, i became the product of their so called " lu---" love". It turned out that my dad had another PMS with this another girl, let us call her, Merida--cos she's brave as hell. well sa sobrang brave she conquers even the most impossible thing that could happen. So there 2 women, 1 product from the other. and 3 to Merida. No harm or hard feelings right there cos the 3 kids and me? We're all in good terms.. we're close as the kambal na saging before but then puberty hits us all as hard as it can be. Ooohhh we kinda fell apart unknowingly.
But let me set things correctly orayt? My dad did not marry any one of them cos i dunno maybe cos he dont want any complications between my mom and Merida? Or maybe commitments aren't really his thing? whoa very cool. That THING? it may sound simple and very cliché? but it did made a lot of impact to every characters said a while ago. Here's my mom, who ofc was cheated on by my dad, well she did not took it that good before but she bear another child when I was in 3rd yr. And I had some issues with that before.. My trust to her was broken, i lost my first best friend that time. And whatever, we became okay. And then after sometime, she married my half sister's dad. Let us call him, Commander, cos he's stiff af. And he's very strict when it comes to my mom.. which had a huge impact to my relationship with my mom since we're both gala and lakwatsera.
Anyway, yeah did i already said that im a lola's girl? me and my mom lived with my lola and my tita for a long time and when she married Commander, everything changed. There's an additional house that i should live unto, goodbye childhood house ( well not really goodbye but yeah i noted in my mind that it's still my responsibility and i need to go there and visit my lola every once in a while cos she is my Home )
But whatever, there was a war between my mom and my aunt for like 3 yrs? thanks to mild viral infection that my grandma had after that 3 yrs, they finally talked without harming each other, be it physically or emotionally. Cos it was really exhausting for me, my lil' sister and my lil' cousin to witness such violence..well, what more to my Grandma?
Remember how i talked about my dad being afraid to commitment? apparently, even after 20 yrs. He's still the same. But we'll get to him later. How about Merida? still remember her, apparently, unlike my mom, even there are a lot of women that my dad had sex with? ( yeap she actually knows that and she has the audacity to share it with me cos " I know you'll understand me cos youre also a girl " ---like gorl? really, that's my dad too! don't you think me being told of those things about him will be good? Nuh-uh! it's all bullshit. As far as I can handle things calmly? more like ignore things calmly? I just cant. cos this Merida kept on slamming these pictures of every girl that my dad had sex with in my freaking face..Mind you, WITH A LOT OF CURSE WORDS AND RANTS About my dad. Sobrang bigat. So there, Merida, if youre reading this, im sorry but i had a hard time e to listen and understand you everytime. As much as I want to help you, I also have my limits. I could not be there to you anymore.
And did I say, I was diagnosed with Chronic Major Depressive disorder? Sabi ko sa inyo e, not all people will always consider this. Hay but ofc I have to understand that they also have their own life. But...ugh nevermind we'll get there.
