deluge. // seungjin

nine

[this chapter explains a little bit more about seungmin and his home situation, so i should i little abuse(?) disclaimer. they only talk about it in the beginning texting part so,]

seungmin: sorry about tonight

hyunjin: ???
hyunjin: sorry about what?

seungmin: in the car... you must have questions

hyunjin: i always have questions
hyunjin: not about but just in general
hyunjin: sorry, i tried to make it less awkward but it ended up doing the opposite

seungmin: lmao

hyunjin: anyways
hyunjin: i have a few questions? but they would be kinda personal,,,

seungmin: ask away ig

hyunjin: you don't have to all of them if you're uncomfortable

seungmin: okay

hyunjin: uhhh
hyunjin: first question? why did you run away

seungmin: oh
seungmin: so you saw

hyunjin: not really, but that's what jisung was texting me about. so i guess i kinda saw?

seungmin: ah okok
seungmin: long story short, i don't live in the best home environment? my dad always... teases? me for not going to college and i never came out to him and i'm scared to so i just kinda dipped

hyunjin: i c. does he only tease you?

seungmin: uhh

hyunjin: seungmin, you don't have to answer if you don't want to

seungmin: i know, i just don't know how to word it
seungmin: he bullies me? that sounds weird but but that's what he does, he doesn't... abuse me per say but he's just a bit violent to the point where it hurts

as seungmin hits send, he could feel his heart tighten from the lie. it was more than just bullying, it was actual abuse. there have been days where he never went to high school, but instead he just sat on the roof of his house. sure his father could find him, but he couldn't get up here even if he tried. he would just sit up there, staring at the birds as they fly by, cars as the speed by, and the clouds... oh, the clouds were the best part. he would lay back and look up, the clouds moving above him, finding it's next victim to pour its water on. it's whole being is made up of water, like how the human body is majority water. we both cry, humans water and some other things, whereas clouds are just straight up water. we both go to a certain location to cry, or we just kind of let it happen. seungmin liked clouds. seungmin also liked stars. he would go to the roof during the night just to look at them. he would listen to the crickets chirping, some cars drive by, and the occasional beat of music from a house party not too far away. sometimes there would be clouds that pass by but the stars would shine through them. no matter what time of day, there are always stars in the sky, from the sun to the north star.

hyunjin: oh. he seems like a dick

seungmin: haha, i guess he was

hyunjin: ok ummm
hyunjin: why were you running in the rain?

seungmin: i was running away

hyunjin: why in the rain? why didn't you bring an umbrella or call felix or something?

seungmin: oh
seungmin: idk really
seungmin: i guess i just needed to get away?
seungmin: and i didn't want to bother felix so

hyunjin: ah gotcha
hyunjin: last question

seungmin: okay

hyunjin: will you tell me if anything is happening to you? like if you're feeling sad, text me. if you're mad and want to rant, text me. if you're scared, text me. if you're lonely, text me. hell, even call me if you want.

seungmin: i-
seungmin: i plead the fifth???

hyunjin: oh
hyunjin: well, think about it? i don't want you to feel sad, or mad, or lonely, or whatever negative emotion you might have. we could go out for ice cream or something whenever that happens or something, i don't know.
hyunjin: idk why but i just want to be there for you.

seungmin: :,)

hyunjin: well, we should probably go to sleep, it's getting late and i have class tomorrow. i'll text you later
hyunjin: night

seungmin waited a while before responding

good night, hyunjin.

seungmin smiled and put his phone on the night stand. he looked up at the stars on the ceiling once again before drifting off into a good night's sleep.

-

"ji?"

"yeah, jinnie?"

"what's it like to have a crush?" hyunjin turned to look at jisung who was sleeping on an airbed by him. jisung turned around to face him with a confused face.

"what?"

"you like minho, so, you know, what's it like? having a crush?"

"i mean..." jisung sat up and turned his whole body to face his best friend. "it's like... the best and worst feeling in the world. you feel your heart speed up when you see them, you feel yourself start to panic and you're more self-aware, but you also feel really happy with them. you know they may not feel anything back but there's always that slight chance of something happening." hyunjin nodded and continued looking at his friend as he smiled. hyunjin could tell he was thinking about minho from the gleam in his eyes and ever so slight smile playing on his lips.

          "you realize more things about yourself and you look at their every move and think 'wow... they really are the person of my dreams...'. even if they do something stupid you think it's cute and you just kind of... smile and admire them from afar. even if you know there's no possible way they could or ever would like you, you still get excited by their every move. like if they hand you a pencil because you lost the one you had, you kind of just freeze before taking it. even if they laugh at you after, you're still glad you had that small interaction; you start keeping mental notes of everything they've done and appreciate all the little things, like maybe a compliment or something."

"you really do like him, huh?" jisung shyly chuckled before lying back down.

"yeah, i guess. is it that obvious?"

"i mean, considering you just gave a whole tedtalk, yeah." jisung smiled and covered his face with the blanket as hyunjin chuckled. "awww, are you shy~ now?"

"shut uppp..." jisung rolled around and kicked his feet around." hyunjin chuckled and jisung eventually stopped and took the blanket off of his face. he was smiling like a maniac, face as red as a tomato. "okay, well, i'm going to sleep, you should too."

"i know."

"wait, why did you ask me that?"

"just wondering, i've just never had a crush before, you know that." that was true. hyunjin just never found anyone neccesarily... heartpounding.

"yeah, but this is the first time you've ever asked me." hyunjin shrugged and looked at the blank ceiling.

"i don't know, i just got curious."

"oh. well, night night, jinnie."

"good night, ji."

-

1136 w.
2/6/19
unedited