Glory & Gore

Chapter eight: Maybe.

I stare at the wall longer than I should.My mind is screaming at me and I can't deal with the noise,I am thinking of 2673 things at the same time,and I don't say a single word.

I get up and the sun shines,my waves splash,birds sing and I,I want to go back to sleep

Maybe I am asking too much.

Mrs.mom wakes me up at 1pm I am surprised I slept too much.Maybe because last night I stayed up late trying to shut my mind off and understand what bothers me...the answer? Everything,I got the answer and it didn't change anything.My demons still work against me,my eyes roll to the inside of my body and I see little people burning my cells up in flames,maybe that's why I feel that I'm literally dying.

*

I'm done staring at the wall.

*

I check my phone,and he didn't say anything,not even a word.nothing at all.What happened? I pushed my "infinity boy" away,I was trying to do that,I convinced myself it was for the best but once I got it I didn't feel satisfied nor happy.

This doesn't bother me,he chose not to talk,I won't be the one to cry.I am not feeling bad."It's okay Mia" I said to myself,I feel like I'm lying.

I push my phone away and I find peace in petting "my" cat.At least someone likes me.

I have lunch and do 20-40-60-80-100-110-120 crunches.I have to lose weight.I need to.I'm tired of being yellow inside,I want to be red and pink and purple.muscle and skin.I'm done with my yellow filling.

Mrs.mom gets on the floor and does 10-20-30 crunches,she is more done with her yellow filling than me,It's been almost 4 years since she hit her ideal weight.Her skin ripped and gave her tiger stripes.I also have tiger stripes,so many that I just need the furr to be one.That's my plan B in life.

I've got 99 problems and my looks ain't one,It's all 99 of them.

All because I get physically frustrated with showing my face and basically everything else to the world.I cry when I look at the mirror.

Don't get me wrong I've been feeling stronger.haven't made cracks nor holes in my skin and haven't kept my stomach empty.I've been feeling okay.But moments like these are rare in my life.I am trying to make it last.

Maybe that's why I'm opening up and telling people the truth/pushing them away.

I'm sorry but I haven't been strong for too long to waste this.

I love you

friends,family

and infinity boy.

Maybe with the exercises I've been making I will be strong both inside and out and then I'll be

Powerful.

Immortal.

Just maybe.

I go to the living room:

-Mom,let's watch a movie. - I pick up my cup and take a sip.

-Okay but you know how it goes,after 10min I fall asleep. - Mrs.mom laughs.

-Okay,I just want to do something. - I put my cup down.

Like always I choose the movie

browser-movies-horror

Horror page 1

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11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19

Found one!

Last exorcism,damn it sounds good.

People hurting and confused,paranoia,no control.I want to make someone feel that way,infinity boy made me nice for a while,but my dark side's true.

Mrs.mom agrees and I press play.

Movie stars there's confusion right away.

I can't stop thinking about him.Mrs.mom is asleep so I go to my room.I am too awake damn. I shouldn't feel this way...

Maybe I should

But the reality is

"Us"it's not true.