Sincerely, Suicidal

Chapter One

*Never be ashamed of what you feel. You have the right to feel any emotion you want and to do what makes you happy.*

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Dear Mom,

You know that I love you with all of my heart. I will say that i don't agree with some of the thing you've done, like marry that god awful man. But irregardless I love you so much. You always know how to make me feel better and you're there when I need you. I don't blame you for not wanting to leave Rob, he's dangerous. I know he is. When I'm gone I want you to promise me one thing. Protect yourself and get out of there. With me gone it'll be easier for you to escape. Go to grandmas and call the police. Tell grandma I love her. I just can't bear to look at myself anymore. This isn't any of your fault, I just can't handle it anymore. I can't feel anything anymore. It's kinda like I'm drowning, but I can see everyone around me breathing. Trust me, you don't need water to feel like you're drowning. But anyways, I  want you to leave and live your life. Forget about me and what I was feeling. That doesn't matter. Save yourself the guilt. This is my doing. Thank you for saving me and making me who I am. And believe me when I say that you are an amazing woman, I just wasn't good enough. I'll never be good enough. I can't go to school. I can't go out in public. I hate hiding all the time, and feeling like everyone is whispering about me. Which they are. Teachers are starting to notice and I can't have any of this shit (excuse my language) blamed on you. The pain I feel is everywhere. Once said by one of my inspirations,"I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim."I now know that I'm totally worthless. I'm losing my mind and I just need to escape. I know just how disappointed you'd be if I turned to drugs and alcohol. But that's just not me. I can't do that. The only option left is just to leave. It's amazing just how much I hild with a simple smile. My smile towards you was always real mommy. I love you more than words can explain. I have to go now. And who know, maybe I'll run into dad. We will miss you dearly. I'm sorry for being so selfish. I love you mommy. To infinity and beyond.

Love,

Princess.

With a tear stained face, I folded the letter I had just written and set it on my mothers dresser. It'd be the first place she'd look when she gets home. With mom and Rob both gone, it was my only opportunity to do what had to be done. 

I took my time walking to the bathroom, taking in everything around me. My home. The pictures of me and my mom, and unfortunately, Rob. My bedroom. I should probably say that I'd miss this place. But in all honestly, I wouldn't. Not at all. 

Making my way into the bathroom, I scoured the medecine cabinets. I grabbed two different bottles, not knowing what either of them contained. I didn't care though. I just needed them to do one thing. Take my life without blinking. I set the bottle on the counter and took my razr blade out of my pocket. I brought it up mid-arm and started slicing. The deep red blood pooled out of the cuts I'd just made. After about ten cuts I'd had enough. I popped open both the pill bottle lids, and put at least 10 from each container into the palm of my hand. 

Just as I lifted all 20 pills up towards my mouth, the doorbell rang. 

No no no. Not now. 

I ignored the bell, it was probably one of Robs buddies. This was my only chance. 

"He's not here!" I shouted at whoever was on the opposite end of the door. 

I went to put the pills in my mouth again when-

"Uh, I don't know who you're talking about. I'm just here to introduce myself. My family and I just moved in next door." a voice I didn't recognize shouted through the door. 

"Look, I'm really busy here!"

"Okay but um my mom had me send this pie over and I really don't think it's a good idea to leave it on the doorstep. I don't really know you, but I don't think you'd want fly-covered desert. "

Damn this person was persistent.

Aspirated I flung my hand, forgetting all about the pills in my hand. They flew everywhere. One of my swinging arms knocked over the small container that held our toothbrushes, My arms were still gushing blood all over the floor and my now red-stained clothing. 

"Shit!"

"Are you okay in there?" the voice came again.

Was he really still here?

My once chance that I had to this. The only day both mom and Rob were gone. And now it was completely spoiled. I couldn't help it. I burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. 

The pills mixed with my blood now covered the floor, the sink, and my clothes. My arms ached more than usual, probably because of my outburst. And I couldn't go face whoever was at the door in this state. 

But apparently I wasn't going to have to face the mystery person. As I looked up, the bathroom door came flinging open., revealing a boy who looked about my age with his mouth agape and eyes wide as saucers. 

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Hi guys!

SO here is the reposted chapter one on my new account. I did a little bit of editing. Corrected my many mistakes. 

Anywho this is a very short chappie, but I will try my best to make the chapters longer.

And if you havent, I would really appreciate it if you read the little note thingy before this chapter, it explains everything for those of you who think I'm stealing the story. I'm not. 

I will try to update as much as possible but school is starting soon, but I will try my best for you guys!

I love you people!

And on the side is Scout Taylor-Compton who plays Madisyn

Wander.