All this time I can’t imagine myself I can do all this things I’ve done… but I know Jesus have a reason why he let me do all of this..
Since I’m childhood I dream everything.. That someday my love story is like fairytales and like in dramas in TV/radio. I always tell myself that I can’t lie with the one I love if time goes I experience to fall in love. I always loyal and I can’t let myself hurt... I always thought that all my crushes like me also but I’m so disappointed because when I start having a crush when I was in first year… but I think I’m too young for having a boyfriend.. I admired him so much... I pursue myself having good grades for him... I want him to become my class mate but I think destiny is so unfair… Until will become fourth year, I don’t have a chance to become his class mate or became my friend… But I don’t blame that because at that moment he did not already my crush… its turn out as an illusion... I start crushing somebody... And many crush well done… L And there have two person remainder I love them... but one of them is TIBO… J I don’t know why I like her... I tell myself that this is so prank... Why I love that kind of personality that he have. I lose my mind when I see him... I know she like me too... but she’s shy… I always remember her.. Even until we can’t see each other… But I’m always pushing myself to forget her and I do now. Until I meet a man namely Jethro, He is the boy who actually I don’t know before, have so very mysterious in life… I don’t know why he catches my attention even if where not even a friend… When I first saw him, A part of me says, this man became part of my life even not now but someday… he’s my only crush at that time.. I’m Inspired when I saw him, I get jealous when I know he’s courting to my friend… I don’t know before why I feel like those crazy emotions… but I think I like or love him.. As they call PUPPY LOVE… I want to interrupt my feelings because I don’t know him.. But I can’t... But for the main time I follow my brain and inspired other things in my surroundings,,, I focused my study I will do my best to have good grades, I forgot my Feelings/Crazy feelings because I know all of those feelings is so useless.. Because the man that I admired the most is the same man who truly love my friend.. I know I’m not beautiful as my friend have but I’m sexy as she doesn’t have,, hehehehe feeling.. J but seriously I feel so disappoint to myself before I feel nobody like me, nobody dreamed that I’m became their girl. But since I’m a good girl, behave and others I don’t have a nerve of saying or stumble with everyone. I concentrate my studies and graduated as Top 2 in the class. I have a good grades and promising myself that someday they like me as I am. Rumor that as of now I must fulfill my ambitions first before having a boyfriend… Because I know God is good.. He don’t want me to hurt,, I fulfill everything until time comes that I lived the place where I belong and go too far place… Away all.. Far away with my friends, especially with my family and the mysterious guy that I admit my idol.
It’s so hard to stay away with my love ones but I don’t have a choice, I need work to help my parents, And to make my dreamed come true... As I stay her in manila,,, I forgot all my crazy feelings and start a new life… That’s the life that only my ambitions in my mind..
But I think destiny is a reason why the boy I forgot is back to my life as text mate... I think at that times I don’t like him,, Go on with my life and meet another man or friend.. And I have a crush hear at pup one of them is my work mate, and student also… I like them but I think that it’s an illusion… So I stop my feelings… until I meet a boy that I don’t really love but because he’s so patient.. I give him a chance to become his girlfriend… Even if my Tita doesn’t like him for me.. We hide our relationship for almost a week only.. And I admit, I like him but insufficient reason to fight for with my Tita so I’m break up with him… I don’t know ether It cause me a pain or something free.. Since we break up where become friends and he continue courting me.. until times comes I don’t know what happened but a boy from my fast back into my life and court me.. He said that he love me a long time ago but he hide it.. I don’t know what a feeling that I have that time.. So I think that only a joke of life.. I don’t have any idea what I’ve answer with him,, because a part of me says what if his only kidding..? But I trust him… I give him a change to prove his feelings… and until now our relationship continues…
But I can’t imagine this.. Why I do all of this things?.. For almost three months, I don’t know how can I do this to my boyfriend..
After a month there was about four person courting me.. One of them is old man.. I can’t deny I like him.. but I can’t love him.. Really.. and now he’s gone in my life.. I know he love me.. But I can’t, he’s too old for me.. And one of them namely GM.. I like him so much so now his my boyfriend..
So I’m so stressed for this.. L :’( I don’t know what my KARMA was.. but I always pray to GOD and say sorry for him for all the sin I did.. Unentensyonally I did this.. Im so hate myself by doing this.. I have conscience and I don’t know where to end this.. As of now, all I can do is to pray…. I know God is always her for me. What ever happened.. I love both of them.. My mind is so chaos.. And sometimes I found myself in the abyss.. But I think I want to break up one of them.. I know it’s cause me hurt so much.. but this is the right thing to do.. I don’t feel his love.. now I push myself to break up with him.. I feel sorry to myself because I don’t know what I do..
All this things I’ve done theirs expected and unexpected parts that can make me cry or happy..
Every mistakes hane a lesson to learned.. J
