The Man With Broken Dreams ( WATTYS 2019 )

30

The baby boy was kissing my cheeks nang paulit ulit. 

He ran to his mom and hugged her tight while the kid glared at me.

 I flinched and woke up when I felt a soft palm brushing my hair pumikit ako ng mariin and pretended to sleep.

''I wish you and me will meet in another time. Hindi ko na kaya Azello. Hindi ko na ata kakayanin pa. I lost everything. Dahil sa mahal na mahal na mahal kita. I even went on risking my life just to save our angel pero si papa ang nagsabi na ako ang iligtas or else we will both die, I hated my papa for that pero ngayon alam ko na kung bakit nagawa ni papa yun. He doesn't want me to die too dahil nga hindi na maliligtas ang anak natin kahit masakit sa kanya he had to agree na iabort yung bata. I hated my papa for that. He insisted for me to come back to brazil with them tutal naroon naman ang mga kapatid ko but I refused. Hoping that you'll comeback to el mozzaf. I'm sorry for everything I did. I'm sorry hindi ko nagawan ng paraan ang anak natin. If it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy I wouldn't be in pain as much as you do now. I'm sorry for hurting you. Pagod na pagod na din ako azello. Sana mapatawad mo ako.'' 

Naramdaman kong may tubig na tumutulo sa aking pisngi. She was crying her heart out. She kissed my forehead bago bumalik sa sahig. I peeked through and saw her crying while covering her mouth. I turned my back away from that sight and went to sleep again

I woke up feeling gloomy and bored hindi ko alam kung panaginip ba yung kagabi o ano.

 I hurriedly went to the bathroom and took a shower bumaba ako agad pagtapos kong mag ayos hindi na ako nagatubiling silipin kung nasaan man si addi because I need to go to the office today.

Naabutan ko si kuyang nakupo sa kanyang desk when I opened the door to his office

''kuya what's an ectopic pregnancy?!'' I sighed I was frustrated as fuck. Tutal may medical degree naman si kuya sa kanya na ako nagmabuti magtanong

''it is a case where the baby isn't in the uterus or the womb of the mother causing her bleeding and extreme pain mostly nasa ovary or nasa tube ang bata kaya need siyang tanggalin or iabort or else maru rupture ang organs ng mother and they will both die'' He raised a brow at me nagtataka why did I ask that out of the blue.

''fuck'' I cursed. I contacted my personal detective right away para kunin ang medical records ni addi noon about her pregnancy.

''why? If you know someone having bleeding and pain while pregnant ipa consult mon a agad. It's life threatening both sa mother at sa baby'' he turned serious and cleared his throat.

''it was my ex. She had an ectopic pregnancy.'' I mumbled feeling ashamed of what I did to addi.

''it's serious bro. it's emotionally exhausting and painful for a first time mom to have a case like that'' He sipped his cup of coffee and paid attention to his book instead

I went out and ran upstairs where my office was the whole day was fucked up for me.

It was past 8pm nang kumatok ang secretary ko and handed me the files from my personal detective.

And It was true.

She lost a lot of blood and lost our baby as well.

I couldn't help but feel ashamed of what I did.

Kung ako nga nasaktan paano pa kaya siya? Paano pa kaya yung pinagdaanan niya?

I am lost for words.

Hindi ko rin maitapak ang mga paa ko palabas ng opisina dahil sa kahihiyan sa mga katarantaduhang ginawa ko kay Addi.

Napagpasyahan kong umuwi sa El Mozzaf at balikan ang apartment ko noon.

I went inside everything was the same siguro magpapalipas muna ako ng ilang linggo rito bago ako umuwi.

I went to grab some beer bago ako maglakad lakad sa dalampasigan.

We were so happy here.

All she ever did was love me.

I chuckled to myself while I play with the sand in my hands

I wish in another time mapatawad rin ako ni Addison.