The Man With Broken Dreams ( WATTYS 2019 )

31

madaling araw na nang maisipan kong bumalik sa apartment.

Walang nagbago simula nung umalis ako rito.

Narito pa din ang gamit ni addi tuwing dito siya matutulog.

Andito pa din ang paborito niyang set ng pajamas namin.

All of her memories are still here lingering while I tried so hard of forgetting them.

In the end they were bound to be remembered

Niyakap ko ang tshirt ni addi bago ako natulog sa sofa.

The next day was suffocating, bawat lingon ko masasayang alaala ang nakikita ko.

Napagpasyahan kong maglakad muli sa dalampasigan nang makaheram ako ng Bangka at nagtungo sa kabilang dulo ng dagat.

Tinahak ko ang daan tungo sa bahay ng pinsan niya. Si dianna I saw children laughing outside. Nakita ko si dianna calling the twins. She kissed them both bago papasukin sa loob.

''what brings you here?'' she asked as if out of the blue akong lumabas sa bakuran nila.

''ah. Wala naisipan ko lang bumalik'' I smiled. Pinapasok niya naman ako at pinaupo sa mesa sa may yard nila.

''hindi mo pa din siguro nakikita si Addi?'' she asked. I didn't answer pero nagpatuloy na lamang siya

''I was really the one getting married that day. pero umalis ako at sumama sa asawa ko. Siya lamang ang babaeng De Cipriano na narito nung panahon na yun. Papa niya ang nag ayos ng event at merging ng kumpanya kaya siya ang pinalit. She fought for you. I was there when she was slapped and cursed by our fathers. The day she ran to your apartment without slippers on was the day I ran away with my husband. Nagtataka ka siguro bakit nawala siya parang bula, the next thing you knew she was getting married'' she wiped her tears away habang ako naman tulala at balisa sa mga naririnig ko.

''sinalo niya lahat ng dapat sayo. You know how powerful the DeCis are here in El Mozzaf right? Ipapahanap ka dapat ng papa ko para masabihan ng maayos at magtanda ka dahil nga wala na ako nun, their only way was with addi. Sinalo niya lahat ng sakit, slaps from her father and my father. Disgusts from her mother. She was also beaten twice dahil nahuli siyang tumatakas. The day of the engagement she was bleeding, naalala ko tinawagan niya ako noon crying her heart out. She loves you dearly and she was pregnant the next thing I knew hinablot ng papa niya ang phone. Sumunod kong narinig ay sinugod siya sa ospital losing the baby.'' She continued with a long pause and wiped her tears dry.

''hindi na siya magawang pagalitan ng papa niya seeing her broken like that. Losing her child after she lost the love from you she looked pathetic and sad. Good thing si Gino ang nag alaga sa kanya. She was depressed and shocked Gino claimed that the baby was his para na rin sa ikatatahimik ni addi at ng ibang tao. When you left, she was crying on the phone nagpaiwan siya rito so she can find you again. But her parents died, the plane crashed and none survived. Kasama dapat siya doon pero pinili niyang manatili rito waiting for you to comeback. I never heard anything nor a word from her simula nang namatay ang parents niya.'' She ended.

I was mindblown. My heart ached. Nagpaalam na ako at umalis

Habang pabalik ako sa kabilang dulo my tears were falling.

What have I done?

She sacrificed everything for me pero ako ang sumira sa kanya.

I was busy hating her while she was busy being in pain.

Wala na ata akong mukhang maihaharap sa kanya. All those years of searching for her she was silently in pain. Habang ako ay nagpapakasaya sa buhay na natamasa ko.

She gave everything up for me but I never saw that.

Pabalik na ang bangkang sinasakyan ko sa kabilang dulo ng dalampasigan my heart is aching with the thoughts of how I was able to hurt her deeper.

She doesn't deserve me.

Pumikit ako ng mariin at nagdsal.

Hoping that she would forgive me someday.

The cold wind embraced me as the boat approached the shore.

I sighed and went back to my apartment I am speechless with the things her cousin said to me.

I was so stupid of accusing her on things I didn't know.

I went to my room and opened my cabinet

Wala pa ding nagbago, narito pa din ang mga matching pajama outfits naman kasama ng onesies.

I smiled at the memory of those little things.

She was so sure of me when she gave her body and soul to me that night.

But I wasn't able to keep my promise that I'll be by her side and never let her go.

Hinawi ko ang mga damit nang may mapansin akong itim na kahon with white ribbon on top.

''I love you, I hope you open this when you comeback. –Love, Addi'' 12-23-2012

I opened the box and there were our pictures. With a baby boy's onesie and clothes for me. As well as an album with our pictures in it.