Damaged

Darkness Shows You The Light

"I'll see you in an hour." Fitz held the glass door open for Olivia, bending to give her a quick kiss. His brows scrunched together, he looked from her to the door as she hesitated on the snowy sidewalk.

"Actually, my therapist and I discussed you sitting in on this session." She lowered her gaze, chewing on her lip. She didn't know how he would react to the suggestion, which is why she had waited until the last possible minute to bring up the fact that he had an open invitation to her therapy session. She had allowed her last nightmare to eat at her for two weeks. It was to the point that she absolutely refused to sleep if Fitz were not by her side. Her therapist had insisted that she needed to discuss the matter with him in a neutral setting.

"Okay." It always amazed her how quick he was to join in any effort to help her. No convincing was needed – not if he thought she would benefit from his agreement. A smile touched her lips and she reached down to grab his hand, intertwining her fingers with his and pulling him through the door into the warm receptionist area. They waited, walking hand-in-hand into her therapist's office and sitting on the black, leather sofa together.

"I'm glad you could join us today, Fitz." Dr. Clarke extended her hand, shaking Fitz's warmly before taking her own seat and crossing her legs, balancing her legal pad across her knee. Fitz glanced at Olivia, trying to gauge her reaction to being in this particular room. She had told him bits and pieces about therapy, but she never sounded like she enjoyed it much. When they had first started talking again, she had even sounded like she hated it. That hate had slowly dwindled into a strong dislike with a healthy amount of respect for what she was accomplishing.

"Please don't judge me by anything you hear in here." Fitz turned on the sofa to face Olivia as she made her small request, grasping her hands in his. He shook his head at her suggestion that he would ever judge her for the way she acted in therapy.

"Not going to happen." She smiled at that response – he always knew what to say. The sound of the therapist's pen scratching across her notepad drew Olivia's attention away from Fitz. She wondered how he was going to react to having his every move and word observed and scrutinized.

"Olivia, have you mentioned your dream to Fitz?" Olivia shook her head – many things had held her back from mentioning her nightmare. Fitz had asked her to stop blaming herself for what had happened, had given lectures about the need to start blaming Edison instead of herself, and she was worried how he would react to her dream. It would be obvious that she hadn't taken that advice to heart.

"No." Taking a deep breath, she glanced at Fitz before bowing her head. She had trouble looking anyone in the eye when she was admitting to her feelings. "I had a dream about our baby...I woke up and heard a baby crying, but when I went in his...or her room..."

"It's okay. You don't have to finish." Fitz gritted his teeth, imagining what Olivia must have dreamed and taking her in his arms. Part of him wanted to beat Edison until he could no longer stand. The damage that man had done to Olivia was unbelievable.

"I keep thinking about what life would be like now if I had made a different choice. I wonder if the baby has ever forgiven me. I didn't even allow him or her to live. You, Abby, and Edison are the only ones who even know that the baby existed." That bothered her. She hadn't disclosed the information to her parents and she hated to think that Edison was one of the few who knew her secret. His knowledge of her baby seemed wrong in so many ways.

"I don't think the baby blames you, Olivia. I certainly don't." She shook her head. She still wasn't convinced that the baby didn't blame her. The nightmares certainly made it feel like the baby blamed her for the choice she had made.