Cruel Kiss (On Hold)

Chapter 2- Guilt Trips

A soft, early morning light was filtering in through my curtains. I rolled over, groaning into my pillow as my sore muscles protest my every movement. I was cocooned in my fuzzy blankets, the warmth providing a satisfying comfort. All I want to do is hibernate for a week.

I had gotten back home around three in the morning, and had to spend a good hour showering and bandaging my cuts. I even had to dig a splinter out of my right foot. Oh, the joys of being crazy, I guess.

A soft knock on my door as me lifting my head as my mother gently pushes open the door. Some of her dark hair falls into her face as she peaks her head inside. I give her a small, tired smile and flop my head back down onto the pillow. She returns the smile, coming in and crossing the room to settle on the edge of the bed.

"Good morning sweetie, how did you sleep?," she asks me tentatively.

"Just fine, mom. I could use some more, but what do you do?," I reply casually.

She watches me a moment, no doubt taking in the fact that one of my beat up feet is poking out of the blankets. She takes a deep breath, steeling herself for the conversation to come. My body tenses up as she asks the question I was dreading.

"Kenna, did you- I mean, did it happen again?" Her voice sounds shaky and she looks over at me hesitantly.

I pop open one of my eyes, releasing a small sigh, and wishing yet again that I had not told her about the sleep walking. She doesn't know that my trips coordinate with my nightmares, or even that I'm having nightmares. She only knows about my night adventures in the woods, and I can see that the worry for me is eating at her. She's always afraid that one day, she'll wake up and I won't be home. That I won't be able to make my way back to her and dad.

I wish that I hadn't told her. It had been that second night, I had woken in the woods again and when I came back, I was in a near panic. She had found me curled in a ball in my room, a long gash on my leg. I told her I kept waking up miles away, and that I didn't know why. She's worried ever since, and I feel guilty for burdening her with this. This craziness that I'm experiencing, she shouldn't have to go through it too.

I take a shaky breath, preparing myself for another bombardment of questions.

"Yes, mom. It happened again, but I'm alright. A nice lady picked me up in her car and I wasn't even in the woods for very long," I tell her, hoping she doesn't hear the slight quiver in my voice.

The truth was, I had no idea what I was doing while I was sleep walking. I could've been gone for hours, walking who knows where before ending up in that spot in the woods. It was honestly a little frightening, not being in control of where I go. It's only because I've done it so often that I have fallen into a slight routine, following a makeshift path to get to safety. That first night, I had to wander around aimlessly until it was almost dawn before I found the road.

She goes to reply, but the cellphone on my nightstand buzzes with a text. She pauses, frowning at the device. I lean over, reaching out to grab my phone. I click the home button and look at the screen. It's a text from Avery, my best friend, asking if I can go to the mall with her. It's apparently an emergency. I smile and roll my eyes, she's always so dramatic. I type a quick yes before turning back to my mom.

She's giving me a sad smile. She knows I don't like to talk about the woods sessions. It makes me feel crazy and out of control. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.

"Was that Avery?," she inquires.

"Yeah, she wants to go to the mall today, it's a clothes emergency."

I roll over and climb out of bed, slightly limping my way to the closet. I fling open the door, searching for something decent to wear. I scan the clothes before settling on a grey top and a pair of skinny jeans.

"You know, maybe if you don't want to talk to me about this stuff, you could talk to Avery. I'm sure she'd be happy that you told her, you girls have been friends since you were in diapers." She tells me sadly.

I know she wishes she could do more, even if it's just to take me to the doctor. I don't want to do that though, I just know I'll have to be heavily medicated. That's not something I want to do, I want to try to figure out what's happening to me on my own, and try to stop it that way. I also know that Avery would be glad I told her, in fact she'd probably be slightly offended I hadn't told her yet. We tell each other everything, and I do mean everything. With this though, it's just not something I want to talk about, to anyone. I don't know why, but this feels personal. Almost as if it should be kept secret.

I get a text from Avery saying she's almost here to pick me up, so I slip on my sneakers and grab my purse. I brush my hair into a ponytail and add some mascara. My mom stands, giving me a tight hug before leaving. I do appreciate everything she does, and I'm glad she cares, I just can't talk about it.

I walk downstairs and out the door. Walking outside, I see Avery's black  Mustang coming down the road. She pulls into the driveway and stops while I climb into the passenger side. A strong smell of cigarette smoke hits me as I settle inside.

"Hey, Ken, so glad you're coming. Of course, what kind of friend wouldn't come? That's the real question. First order of business, we need to get a cute dress for that party next Friday! Oh, and maybe a new bikini, what do you think?," Avery babbles on happily.

"Whatever you think, Ave," I tell her.

I lean against the window as she drives us to the mall, watching the houses blur by as we pass, and thinking how odd it is that only a few months ago, having the perfect party outfit was my only problem.