I still cant quite grasp why i find you so addictive, you captivate me in ways i never thought i could be. Im obsessed with the small things about you. Your smile, how its so imperfectly perfect, how only one side of your mouth goes up and the other lays at rest. How you raise your eyebrows when i say something completely stupid. You were the smartest person iv ever known, predicted grades were A*, there was never a question i had that you couldn't answer.
We finally planned a date where we were going to meet alone. A Saturday, we planned to meet at our local park and then sneak of onto the downs. Your'e wearing brown shorts with high black socks, in October? Interesting. It nearly killed me walking up the downs that day although, it was worth it. The view was something special, the golf course, Eastbourne, my home town. Thank you for sharing it with me. We walked for ages amongst nature, not talking just enjoying the time spent.Nothing but trees and mud aside of us. Leaves dried out from the harsh autumn we had. It wasnt sunny nor cloudy, it was the typical spooky kind of weather.
It was still so awkward, im an awful person to fall in love with, i can remain awkward for days sometimes weeks!
He walked in-front leading the way- whilst i took everything in . An open patch of ground pulled us in and sat us down on a fallen tree that laid lifeless. We gazed awkwardly at one another letting our faces speak for us. Until he decided to get up and grab a giant tree branch and tell me to defend myself. This was no longer a "cute forest date", this was a nature sword fight. I collected my weapon and we started. Three strikes to the body and you loose. We laughed and joked, we were serious about this three rule strike. I was almost winning until he accidentally hit my thumb and in the moment, we both thought it was broke. Swords were dropped and panic was raised. I was fine in the end.
Home called us back early, its getting darker earlier and my mum still doesn't know im on the downs. In revenge i pushed him into a small thorn bush on the way back. We called it even. Side by side, close, we walked.
Time danced past, what felt like years waiting for went quicker than seconds during.
We said goodbye and that was our first proper hug, deep, meaningful, i sunk into him. I could feel his gaze upon me, i knew he wanted me to look at him so he could kiss me, but, i shy'ed away into his chest. Fearful of the 'First kiss'. Leaving him with mixed signals un intentionally. Goodbye was said, although it was never good, neither of us found pleasure in it.
