since my birth i never had any good reason to smile and to be happy. There is no one whom I can say that he or she is mine, and I can’t share anything to anyone because there was no one who cares me. Even my parents don’t cares me, I used to go away from home and cried alone thinking someone will come for me and take me back, probably my dad, but no, I wiped my tears myself, I satisfied my heart myself and return home and locked myself in my room. I see around how the parents cares and loves their child, but to me that was a dream. But then also i never blame them.
I never hurt anybody, i never lie to anybody, i never deceive anybody then also i get all these. The thing which i love most goes far from me, first goes my mom, then my friend and then....(you will know later)
i thought that everyone has someone, everybody gets their love one day, and i thought that some day some girl will love me, she will make me forget the pain i have suffered, she will hold me, she will support me, and she will make me complete. Then i started searching for my love, first i tried to find my love in my city then other cities within my country but the one whom i tried to be close those always make my fun and ignored me. Then i realize that to get love you must have something to give her, even if my parents don't show love to me unless i do anything for them then why an unknown girl will love me?, but i have nothing to give except love, but i have seen some lovers who loved so passionately without any reason, they proved that true love exist and for true love you need just a true heart and nothing else. Then i started looking for love over internet, this might sound insane and nonsense, but i have strong believe that i will find her, because if a guy like me could search love in internet then why not a girl like me? somewhere someone maybe like me and one day i will find her out from millions, no matter how far will be she and how will be she i will reach her and be with her, then i found someone one day.
one day i met a girl in an Science High School group, we became friends and then lovers. we started sharing our love. First she made me believe that she is true and won't lie to me, i believed her totally, and she also assured me that she believes me and trust me, we love each other too much, though we were far, we used to share our feelings and love through messages and phone. she gave me such a love and she care me so much. The way she loved me and the way she cared me that was WOW!!!, i never felt such an exhilarating feelings, she gave me reasons to live, she gave me reason to fight, she gave me such an strength that no one or nothing can make me down, she supported me so much that even if i get failure in my research or studies then also i never felt bad or weak but i worked more in it. she used to call me and send me sms time to time everyday and even i too do that whenever i got credit in my phone. she used to call me whenever she was online and stayed only with me, chatting.
we used to love each others like an angels of love, we were like an romantic lovers as we were the lovers of a love story or movie.
Along with her love some hardest things also appeared, the worries about her, she was far from me and i cannot know how she was, and what she was doing, every time her thoughts killed me, she told me her parents were step and her brothers too, she said no one cared her and loved her there, and then i cannot breath here, i thought if anything hurts her there and if she needs someone to wipe her tears then who will do that, because i am here and i can't hold her, i never fear anything in my life, i never cared for anything in my life before i met her, but when i met her i fear dying, i fear losing her, i fear if what will i do if i failed because i cannot be with her if i fail in my life, but she made me feel good, she promised hundred times that she won't leave me, she said if i cannot reach her then she gonna come to me. We were really a soulmate, whenever i was sad and i need her she knew that and she used to call me and ask "Baby are you ok?", or she appeared online even if she was not suppose to come, and i too knew about her heart. we used to stay whole night in skype on friday and saturday because other days she was in school hostel. i used to sit waiting her to come in skype for 8 hours without leaving my computer for a second. one day when i was drunk i cut my chest to write her name and when i told her that she got so angry and from that day she never slept whole night whenever i was drunk, she worried that if i might not cut myself again, she used to call me whole night and ask me to not to do any such crazy things, every morning she send me message and told me about the dream she had. we dream so many beautiful things together, we planned many things for our life. we used to talk that we gonna tell out love story to our kids when we will turn gray. Those dreams that we envisaged together where so overwhelming, just i could say wow.
