Love is blind

Born with illness.

Memories are sometimes a wonderful thing right,? Even the ones that Traumatize you
And you gulf so much anxiety as child and flashbacks that make you repeat the same thing. But at times you get beautiful memories , that portray such things that the heart of others doesn't see .and other times..  you wish.  you could forget.

But not me.

Memories are something I cherish.before I was was able to walk and talk. Unfortunately as infant I  was bound by the birth of an illness that doesn't  allowed me go far out in the world. as I quickly ended up being sicker than a dog . My body was weak.. Yet my appearance, portrayed of a healthy young woman. It doesn't make sense.  But it's real as me alive. 
I had special nurses. And doctors. For me. to figure out what was wrong with me. 
I was always not allowed to leave the house much. I was only to stay in the house or rome garden,. Behond the gate, to the forest.
Sometimes I felt. Like I am being punished by God .. And yes.. If I believe God love me he would of made me. Not weak.
I was only tolerable to Others. I constantly feel like a bird trapped in a cage or angel clip from her wings. Push over cliff.  and yet I just want to see the world. But can only see it far away .
The yearning to be free .  And oh how wonderful that would feel.  And Anything fun that happens.   My mother and father would host dinner parties. it can be sorta fun. But tiring because
But everyone is so worried, that I will collapse at any moment.   

This evening and is a huge celebration of my 24th birthday

she would hear and read. And imagine it all.   The excitement,  the rush .   You just feel alive . !

Yet here I am only dreaming such a thing ,   And mother worries my illness will get worse if I leave ,   Father ,  well believes I have something els , but mother's encouragement to keep locked away I guess  .