before the network - agents prequel

0: take me out of this place

"Mom! Dad! Ell!" I choke out, jerking up in the tight bed. I feel disoriented, and off, flashes of their faces echoing off the edges of my mind. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts, I beg myself. Don't think of that night, forget. But I can't quite, as my heart pounds against my chest.

I lean back, clutching at my shirt, body sticky from sweat. Glancing over at the clock, green numbers stare back, 5:07. Great... not that long until I'll be woken up, only for Ms. Bradley to tell me what new and horrid foster home I'll end up in.

Happy place, happy place, happy place. I jam my eyes shut, and roll over. It can't get much worse than that night, the night when I lost mom and dad and Ell practically gave me up. I want nothing more to forget, but it seems to cling to me.

Happy place... I plea with myself.

It can't get much better either. I try to fill my mind with memories of ice cream and birthdays but nothing but black comes.

Just forget.

• • •

"Kia." Come's a voice, accompanied by a knock. I stir, this time slowly and groggy in the head. I see Ms. Bradley standing there, a soft look on her face. "I have breakfast ready for you in the office, let's go honey. We need to talk."

I sigh, a little nervous that she'll be upset with me. After all in the two years I've been here I've gone through foster home after foster home. If I were her I'd think I were a lost cause. Maybe I am. I pad my way down the wooden hallway, looking at the many pictures of previous foster care kids, I have them all committed to memory even though I hardly know them.

There's one of me and Benjie, a happy memory, until he disappeared into a good foster home. And even though I feel the utmost happiness that he gets love and care, I can't help but wish for it myself.

I sit across from Ms. Bradley and begin to eat the toast and bacon she made. At least I have her I think, and maybe that's why I don't mourn all the failed attempts at foster homes, because it always means coming back to her. This house, although not a home, is safer, a little warmer.

"Sorry." I mumble and she quirks an eyebrow. "For failing at another foster home, I know I'm trouble—" She shakes her head.

"You're not trouble, and you didn't fail. Things just didn't work out Kia, it's not anyone's fault." I look down at my toast, and focus on food and not the minor bit of relief that floods through me. "I have news though, different news, it requires a serious talk." I gulp. "Nothing bad Kia."

"Maybe I could just stay here for a bit..." I plea.

"Actually, someone's interested in becoming your guardian." I stop, Ell? Maybe after these two years my sister actually wants me back. I perk up, and wait, heart pounding. "A sister." I feel the smile spread across my face, I knew she couldn't leave me here forever! "But," she stops and so do I, but? "It's not Ell."

"I don't have another sister."

"You do. She's proved she's your biological sibling without a doubt. She'll be here tomorrow to meet you, and sign some forms. I've spoken to her over the phone, she's very excited to meet you, seems eager for you to come live with her."

Realistically I should be overjoyed. A sister, even if not Ell, come to claim me? That's better than any shitty foster home, or should be. But something about the fact that I don't know who she is, never heard of this illusive other sister makes me nervous.

What if she sees you and takes it all back. Then you'll be rejected by two siblings. Ms. Bradley sees my look and squeezes my hand. "What's her name?" I ask, not able to get much else out of my mouth right now.

"Erin." She takes a moment. "Listen I know you've been nervous to try before, in some homes, but this is different. This isn't them, this is a chance, take it."

"I'll try." I assure, even though I'm not sure what trying in this instance looks like. How can I have another sister? Why would mom and dad keep her from us? Maybe she's a half sister... from an affair. Must be... because I don't see why else she wouldn't have grown up with us.

"I can see you have questions but I promised, like she did over the phone to answer them all Kia." I nod my head and take my plate. "Get ready, and relax. Tomorrow's a big day."