Guess That Is How I Know You

Prologue

February 08, 2019

Do you know the meaning of your name? Probably not.

I have come to learn the way your brain works, and although it thinks the world revolves around everything you, it is oblivious to your own self, almost an act of doublethink, like in the George Orwell novel 1984.

Your name means blind, which, when I first met you, I thought it to be rather bleak for your alluring character. Yet another inaccuracy from first impressions.

I learned—with time that is—how wrong I was about all that concerns you.

To be blind, is the most accurate thing about you, but only time and pain were able to teach me that. Your sights are just right, it is your actions' aftermath you're unable to see.

You are blind to the weight of your words, or the lack of words.

You are blind to the chance of evolving into a better self. That, I know for a fact for I have seen throughout the years, the opportunities to do so being presented to you, and even then, you opted, or better yet, you refrained from opting, to change.

You are blind because of the uncountable number of times your friends—some of which later became our friends—tried to make you see the wrongs you have done, and you chose to remain oblivious to those warnings.

You are blind to every single time you abused the power you have over people in order to have something your way. But then again, anyone who has come to a position of having power over people is bound to abuse it.

Are you even able to glimpse the fallout of your cold shoulder and bipolar demeanor?

Blind to your own self, yet over aware of it at the same time. Everything about you is inconsistent, isn't it?

You seduce and then you discard.

Bath with attention and then forget its existence.

Protect in order to later on—if it becomes convenient to you, or worse, just because you feel like it—destroy.

That is, in fact, your true character: cold and warm, present and distant, good and evil. It is surely impossible to know what expects you.

Has the devil kept his favorite demon to be your tormentor for eternity? Or is god waiting with open arms to welcome his darling daughter?

So many questions and anecdotes have turned my mind into an absolute mess. Nice work you have done, making a sane person completely ill. You drove me crazy for three too many years, printing yourself with permanent ink inside my head.

When I had my life sorted out. Once I was able to forget you were not there and no longer dreamed of you. After I had accepted the reality of us not being a part of each other's lives anymore.

Then. Just then. Out of the blue, it was suddenly convenient for you to come back and rock my budding stability!

This time around, if your intentions are pure, then it ought to be a two-way street. I need you to know how you made me feel. You must become aware of the mess you have created. There shall be no more selective blindness.

On that note, here is my point of view of our intricate story. I just urge you to keep in mind you came looking for it.

To Cecilia