Life In Technicolor || Ashton Irwin

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

 

Valerie’s P.O.V.

 

“So, in conclusion, drumming is what makes me happy.” He says, locking eyes with me. “Nothing makes me happier than drumming. Nothing.”

“That was lovely, Ashton.” Ms. Jones says. “Class, give him a round of applause.” I hesitantly clap as Ashton takes his seat. “Valerie, you’re next.” Ms. Jones tells me with a smile.

I give her a small smile and walk up to the front of the room. Ashton watches me intently as I sit on a stool in the front of the classroom.

“Okay, so, we all did our projects on what makes us happy. The funny thing about happiness is that it comes in all sort of different ways. Like, someone’s smile or music you like. I’ve never been a very pessimistic person, so I feel like it was a little harder for me to realize what made me happy since nothing ever seemed too bad. After some stuff that happened a couple of weeks ago, I realized something. Just because something that makes you happy stops making you happy, doesn’t mean it should go unappreciated. That happiness could’ve helped you in your darkest times or just made you feel better when you had a bad day. So what makes me happy, is what used to make me happy. I know it’s a confusing concept, but just bear with me. I bet a lot of you guys had stuffed animals when you were little. I had a bunny rabbit who protected me from monsters in my closet. I played with her all the time. I remember some of my best times I had when I was little was because of that bunny. That bunny doesn’t make my happy anymore, but the happiness it used to give me, makes me happy now. The memories, I guess is what I’m trying to say. Memories make me happy. Memories with people, or inanimate objects like stuffed animals. There’s a lot of things that make me happy. A very specific thing that makes me happy is sitting in this classroom, probably wishing a car would drive into the wall and kill me. But that’s not what I’m getting at. Even if he doesn’t wipe that death glare off of his face, I just want to say thank you for making me happy. And even though people change, memories never do. So what you’ve given me is amazing. You’ve given memories, and those are something I’m never going to lose. I’m always gonna have the memories you gave me. And that’s not something you can take back.” I say quietly, locking eyes with Ashton. I grab my notebook out of my backpack and flip it open. “Here’s to teenage memories.”

 

~~~

 

“I am so stupid.” I tell Luke.

“Valerie, are you kidding me? That wasn’t stupid.”

“You’re right. It was idiotic. I can’t believe I actually did that in front of the whole entire class, Luke.”

“Neither can I. You’ve got guts, Hart.” He says with a chuckle.

“I am mortified.” I tell him, covering my face with my hands.

“Aw, come on. It was great.”

“You weren’t even there.”

“Valerie, you have that thing drilled into your brain. You’ve been mumbling it under your breath all week trying to memorize it.”

“That’s beside the point, Luke. The point is that Ashton didn’t talk to me after. And he’s never going to.” I sigh. “How’s he doing?”

“Better.” Luke says. “He hasn’t been ignoring us. He actually hangs out with us now, contributes a little bit to the conversation. So that’s going well.”

“That’s good.” I tell him with a smile and I mean it. “I’m really happy about that.”

“He hasn’t mentioned you at all, though. Michael started talking about what you did at lunch the other day and Ashton just lost his shit. So we decided it was best if we didn’t bring you up.”

“Sounds like a good plan.” I tell him. I hand Luke a book and his eyes scan over the author’s last name.

“Top shelf.” He says with a lazy grin.

“Why do you think I handed it to you Mr. 6’ 4”?” I ask with an eyeroll. “I’m not even short. You’re just abnormally tall.”

“Yeah, you’re pretty average.” He smirks.

I elbow his side and laugh. “I’m glad Ashton’s feeling better. I really am.”

“Me too.” Luke says. “I hate seeing him upset.”

“So, how have you been? I feel like we only talk about me and Ashton. I don’t think you’ve ever told me about your life.”

He shrugs. “I’ve been good.”

“That’s all I get?” I ask.

“Yeah.” He says. “I’m not a girl. I don’t go into extreme detail.”

“Any girls you like?”

“Nope.” He says with a frown. “I’ve been hanging out with you too much. Girls don’t think I’m available.”

“Sorry for cock blocking you.”

He laughs. “Eh, I don’t care. You’re kinda nice when you’re not being an asshole.”

“You fucking dick.” I say with a laugh.

“This is exactly what I mean.” He says with a smile.

“I’m closing up the library. You two can go now.” Ms. Lane tells us.

“Okay.” I say with a smile. Luke and I walk out of the building. The brisk air hits my face and pushes my hair back. “Dammit! It’s too windy.”

“Here, put your hood on.” Luke says with a grin. He pulls the hood over my head and pulls the string so it covers my whole face.

“Hemmings, I am going to kill you.” I say, pulling my hood open and pushing it back.

“It was funny.” He says with a laugh. We get to the parking lot and he sighs. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

He gives me a quick hug before waving and walking to his car. I wave as he pulls out of his parking spot and drives away. I head to my car and open the door. I sit in the front seat and start the car. I stare at my steering wheel and feel tears welling in my eyes. I bite down on my lip and cover my face with my hands as tears start streaming down my face. My body shakes with every sob I let out. Every frustration and sadness I’ve had about Ashton bubbles to my surface as I let out more heart wrenching sobs. I grab my phone and look at my bright screen through my tears. I hook it up to my radio and turn the sound up. ‘Therapy’ starts playing through the car quietly.

“I should’ve known.” I tell myself. “I should’ve known. He was too happy. He was always too happy.” I say, my voice cracking. “Dammit.” I mutter, resting my head on the steering wheel.

That was when I realized exactly how I felt. About my parents, about Ashton, about every single shitty thing that was happening. I wasn’t angry, I was hurt. Maybe a little sad, but more than anything, I was lonely. Lonely because nobody cared enough. Lonely because the only friends I had were Ashton’s. Lonely because my mom works too much. Lonely because I was alone. I am alone.

omg i am on a roll tonight like i wanna update again what even am i i should be doing homework but the answer is no