Dara was lying comfortably on her couch, looking at old photos of her and the rest of 2NE1. She missed the past years of them together being on stage and off stage. Bom was recovering from her depression, Minzy has been living her life and CL have been promoting in the US. Dara was the only one who couldn't let go of 2NE1 and move on. She hanged out with Bom and Minzy every now and then, but unfortunately, the dearest person to her heart was far away. It felt like yesterday when Chaelin was lying only a few centimeters away from her when they shared a room in the dorm and now she was on the other end of the world. Dara became aware of her true feelings towards her group leader 10 years ago and they never went away. Not even for a day. Those feelings only made her struggle. Being so close, yet so far. Her worst nightmare was when Chaelin introduced her boyfriends. That's when Dara was truly devastated. She smiled, pretending to be happy and supportive of her friend, but she felt like her heart was being torn apart by some kind of a monster. She was trying not to burst into tears and made up excuses to run away. One day she stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom and asked herself: "What does he have that I don't ?". Good looks? Talent? Humor? She had all those things, except the fact she wasn't a HE. Just because she was a girl she couldn't be with the one she loved. It was so absurd that it made her cry, throw furniture on the floor, punch pillows, break dishes and so on. But that was in the past when she just had realized her feelings. As time passed the pain became numb and it was enough for her simply to be near Chaelin, but she didn't even have that anymore. She thought now that her long-time crush went aboard, these feelings would disappear with her, but that wasn't the case. She believed in the saying "Out of sight - out of mind", but Chaelin was the first thing in her thoughts every single morning. She had taken Dara's heart to the US with herself.
She looked at a photo of the two of them and got a flash of an interview when Chaelin said: "Those kissable lips were the one I'm gonna miss when I leave for the US."
-Really? Why did you never kiss them then? -Dara said to herself and sighed. She stared at the ceiling with a blank look. She wanted to cry, but she was already out of tears. All she had left were the memories of the time they spent together as a group and Instagram chats, which occurred once in a blue moon. She plugged her headphones into the phone and played Jonghyun's "Y Si Fuera Ella". The song that has been the theme of her love life for many years now and perfectly described her unsaid feelings towards Chae. Her favorite part of the song came and she sang along:
-Ella, how can you leave, cruelly saying goodbye with those smiling eyes. It kills me and my breath stops. The melody that made us happy... it's still too brilliant. Please don't abandon me, don't abandon me~... -Dara didn't blame Chaelin for pursuing her dreams, but she wished she didn't. These feelings were killing her, but she was still alive, life felt suffocating at this point. As if yesterday they jammed to "I am the best" and now she was listening to a sad, slow ballad all by herself. After Chaelin went away, Dara tried to fill the emptiness in her heart by going on dates and even one-night stands, but she knew no one could ever replace Chaelin's electric touch. All the skinship they had was for the sake of fanservice, but every time Chae approached her, she barely resisted the urge to kiss her and just pretended to feel awkward. She really treasured those times, because she knew there won't be ones like these again, but at the same time, they made her feel sick. She knew it was all fake and didn't get delusional, but it still hurt her.
-I didn't know it would be insanely saddening like this... -She sang again, shaking her head along the rhythm of the song. She sometimes wondered if right now she would have been happier if she never went to YG, never met Chaelin and never debuted with 2NE1. She regretted it, but then thought it would be the same with any other woman. Her feelings about it were mixed.
Suddenly the song got paused by the sound of an Instagram notification: "chaelincl mentioned you in a comment". Dara's blank eyes sparkled and her heartbeat raced rapidly. Earlier that day, Chaelin took a selfie with a suitcase and Dara had commented on it "I want it". She indirectly begged her to go back to Korea. Chaelin's response just now was: "I will give it to you when I come back to Korea unnie". Dara chuckled and responded: "Really? I love you! *heart eyes*". It's been really long since the last time they had interacted. This short conversation got her hype and full of energy. However, it didn't last long when she realized how miserable and pathetic she was to get overly excited about just a sentence from her compared to the time she could talk to her all the time in person before. She got bored and blue, so she decided to take nap like every time she felt depressed. Her eyes finally started to close, but then someone rang on the doorbell. She wasn't in the mood to see anyone and ignored it. At this moment, she heard the phone getting a notification again and irritated, she grabbed the phone to turn it off, but then she saw it was a message from Chaelin. She smiled and checked it.
chaelincl: Unnie, what are you doing right now?
daraxxi: Just relaxing at home, you?
chaelincl: Home? I rang the doorbell, but you didn't open.
The last reply made her jump off the couch and sprinted to the door. She didn't even look thru the peephole and with shaking hands, she unlocked. She opened the door and saw Chaelin standing in front of her gorgeous as ever with the same suitcase from the photo.
-Surprise~ -Chaelin shouted and took her glasses off. After a moment of shock, Dara jumped on her, giving her the tightest hug ever. -Awww, unnie, did you miss me that much? -Chalin laughed. Dara decided to remain silent. She knew if she were to say something right now, all her bottled up emotions would blow off. After the long hug, Chaelin gave the red suitcase to Dara as promised and Dara took a photo with it.
-You really are the best! -Dara laughed from excitement.
-Hehe, I'm glad you like it. -then they went inside and lively started talking about their life, reminisce about the past and the new trends in fashion. Chaelin looked at her watch and realized they've been talking exactly 4 hours. She stood up and said: -Unnie, sorry, but I should get going. I wish we could talk more, but I should visit Bom-unnie and Minzy as well.
-Wait! When are you going back to the US? - Dara asked with tears in her eyes. She had forgotten her sadness earlier at the sight of her crush, but reality hit her again.
-Tomorrow. My schedule is pretty tight, I took a day off just to see you guys. I'm sorry I can't stay any longer. I don't know when I will be able to visit again, but I promise I will. - She was leaving again. This meant another long and desperate wait, a continuation of the grey slow passing days. Dara could feel this feeling of coldness and abandonment. She already reached her limits and kissed Chaelin's lips. Until then she was tough and did her best to hide her true intentions, but she couldn't let this go on anymore. That was her chance. Even if her boldness at that moment costed their friendship, she just wanted something between them to finally happen. Chae blushed heavily and stared at Dara with confusion.
-Unnie...?
-I'm sorry too... for... falling in love with you... -Dara tilted her head and her tears flowed. -I've loved you for years and no matter how much I wanted to erase these feelings, I couldn't. -She started talking fast and intense. -I know that you love me just as a friend, so I didn't want to make it complicated... I was satisfied with you just being around, but after you went away... I really can't stand it anymore. -She continued to cry inconsolably. Chaelin hugged her and said:
-Unnie, do you know why I actually went to the US?
-Why? -She was still crying, but Chaelin's embrace calmed her down a bit.
-Because I feel the same way towards you. -Dara's eyes widened and her tears suddenly stopped. -I thought that if I were to stay after the disbandment I would have made a move on you and destroy our friendship since it wouldn't be fanservice anymore.
-You can't be serious... do you really love me? Not in a friendly way? -Dara looked up at her face and Chae wiped her tears.
-I do. It's so sad, yet funny how we never told each other all those years. That's why we shouldn't waste any more time. -She took some paper out of her pocket and crushed it.
-What is this? -Dara asked and Chaelin passed it to her. It was a plane ticket from Korea to the USA. Dara happily broke it into many tiny pieces and threw it in the air above their heads. -Well, it was USAless.
-That's my unnie! -Chaelin lifted Dara up and kissed her.
