Star To Guide Me

I don't know why, but it started with a car ride with him. My vision leaves me after the sun does the same, and as he told me of the starlit night, the moon smiling down. I smiled, his words were few, but he was the sweetest of all the shyest of things. I spun the ring around my finger, it was too big now, it had once fit the finger on my right hand. I would have liked to say that it was slowly that it became loose. But, it had gone from my ring finger to the middle, to the index in a span of a few short months. 

I knew I was losing weight, it was clear, but I couldn't help it, I had always been small, but I couldn't bare to wear that little cheap ring on any other finger. I held my eyes shut as flashes of harsh whiteness flew past us, he assured me that we'd be home soon. Then I would have my world back, the lights would bring back sight into my world until we went to sleep for the night. 

Some might think my vision was a curse, because of how limited it was, or how it made my life different from the normal. But I could see the one thing I loved more than anything else. Him. He was my love, and I had always joked, as this decease would end up taking my sight, not sure when or where it would happen... I joked, or at least he believed I was joking. I said, that his face was the last thing I ever wished to see. 

His descriptions suddenly stopped, a burning flash came into the car, the car jerked out of the way. And before I could ask what, or scream in fright. For the first time the white light didn't burn my eyes, it tickled... 

My ears rung, when my eyes focused as best they could, I saw his worried face. Red streaming down from under his ball cap. My name, I registered that sound. I cupped his face, as he held me from across the seat. 

I had never felt this cold before, yet I could feel warmth, coming from him, the tips of my limbs, and the hot feeling trickling down parts of  me. 

'Please, don't leave me.' He pleaded as tears streamed down his face. 

'I won't, just hold still for a minute... I want to remember.' He looked at me with a confused and concerned look. 

'When my world is nothing but endless night skies, I want your memory to be the star that guides me back to the sun.' I'm not sure of what he said after that, but I whispered an 'I love you more' 

That's when the heat came back to me, but the vision left. I could hear everything around me, but it was the voice that made the fear disappear. I didn't know the voice, but it made me feel at ease. It explained that I had passed, that the voices could not hear me, but I could listen for as long as I wanted. So, I did, I listened to the paramedics when they yelled for anyone conscious. I heard him yell that I needed help, that they needed to take me first, to be careful with me.

I heard it, I felt the sharp tinge of embarrassment. They thought I was a child, someone in their early teens. I felt them move me away from him. I heard a whisper, confirming my state, soft enough for him not to hear. The trip to the hospital, the doctor saying it again, the screams that fallowed, the cries that broke my heart. That shattering sound of his heart meeting mine in fractures on the floor. 

The morgue was quiet, no one spoke here, but I knew their were others like me. Still listening to the world they didn't want to leave yet. I don't know how many days of silence past, but every so often the voice would ask me if I still wanted to stay. Every time, I answered that I did, that the darkness didn't bother me, it was just like night time, only much longer. But I wanted to hear his voice again. 

You might think I was odd for saying it, but I was happy when the funeral home workers came. I heard the surprise in their voices. I knew how I died, the voice had told me. But they said I looked fine, as if I had only been dead for a few minutes. I thought it odd, but I figured it was a good thing, mom would probably want an open casket to say her goodbyes.