The Sound of Silence

Chapter 40

 "YOU DID WHAT?" Loki roared, jumping to his feet to tower over you. Your body automatically flinched away from his anger, his roar, his rage. Two years of torture hadn't been erased with a month of freedom, especially not when followed by all of the drama with Odin. You also realized in that instant that your instincts realized what your brain hadn't comprehended yet, what you hadn't appreciated: the power balance between you and Loki had evaporated. Even though you would have never used your powers on him maliciously, the ability had still been there, there had still been that safety net. You didn't have that now and you couldn't match him in physical strength. You had only been Asgardian for a couple weeks and had no formal combat training, just a few basics. Your training had always revolved around your abilities. Without them you were just... a little girl... faced against an enraged fully trained warrior.

You saw Loki's eyes widen slightly when he realized that he had legitimately frightened you. Your body had expected pain to come with that much rage. It had been an automatic response, but you still saw the hurt at that knowledge and his rage softened marginally.

You steeled your spine. This was Loki. Despite that he was pissed, he still loved you. You had to believe it. Had to believe that though he was pissed, he wouldn't actually hurt you. [I. Gave. Up. My. Powers] you signed slowly as if he just hadn't understood you.

He glared, but saw that you we rerailing the conversation back to being an equal conversation and not just him raging and yelling. He sat back on the bed at your feet, trying to calm enough to have the conversation, to get the explanation, you pulled your feet to you, sitting cross-legged to face him properly. "Why? Why would you do that?" he asked, hurt and pain mixing in with his rage.

[It was the only way I would never be used again. No one can use me for prophecies if I can't have prophecies. No one can force me to use my powers to keep you safe if I don't have them. No one can enslave either of us again. Including Odin.] you signed firmly, your hands moving in too snapish of movements in your agitation and your own feelings. He was still raging, still angry, still hurt.

You looked down with tears in your eyes, afraid he would never forgive you. "We could have found another way!" he protested. "You didn't have to lie to me. You didn't have to betray me. You didn't have to give up your powers!" he snarled, swinging back to anger.

[I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. You would have stopped me and there was no other way] you told him firmly. He glared and you pointed, drawing your finger down the long scar on the outside of your left arm, the one you made before you went to rescue him. He looked momentarily ashamed at that reminder that you had made that cut to find out how to save him.

He didn't say anything, looking for another angle to yell at you from, searching for words. He was so angry, so hurt, so betrayed by what you had done. Tears spilling from your eyes, you carefully slid the ring off your finger and set it gently on the bed between you. He just stared at it, then you shocked, even more hurt, even more enraged, until he saw your tears.

[I] you hesitated [I understand... if...] why was saying this so hard? [I understand if you don't want me anymore after what I did to you, after what I gave up... I'm just...glad you're safe now] you finished quickly. You stared at your lap, unable to look at him, unable to risk seeing that he really was going to leave you for what you'd done, or because he couldn't stand you without your powers.

He picked up the ring carefully. You couldn't help looking up at that. You didn't want to watch him leave you, but the morbid part of you had to know, had to watch the train wreck, had to see what he would do. You were terrified he was going to leave you, going to give up on you, that this trick, your lack of powers, had all been one awful last straw.