What's Wrong with My Mind?

I Had to Write this Just to Get it out of My Mind, this is my problem since I was young girl. 

I had a lot of Stories in my Mind Since I was little, but I didn't Realise that back then. My Big imagination always made me absent-minded. At that time, I was not thinking about My Story. No, I was Living in My Own story in My own Mind. I cannot deny that my universal is more colourful and more interested than this Real world, in my own imaginary World every thing is possible , every dream come true.

So I Used to Become one of my own characters in my mind. Sometimes I was the Hero, then the other day I Become the Bad person in it. 

When I was at 6th Grade, My Arabic teacher told me that I should write stories because I have a big Imagination, she discovered that from my essays.
 So this is how I start Writing.

After that I used to sit on the stairs with my characters and write there for hours. This helped me a lot to relate to reality, as if my pen was taking these characters from my head and locking them in paper. This tempered the pressure on my imagination and opened up a space for new characters to emerge.

I remember that my Dad saw me there one day and asked me what I was doing ! when he knew that I was Writing a story, he Said " Will you Read it for me?", so I did. My father was visually impaired so I was the one who read my story to him.

I know for fact that he was not interested in my stories. He was interested in me. When I was born my dad was 54 years old, So Despite the Age Gap he was able to be one of my closest friends. He used to ask me what happened? and have you finished the story?He bought me beautiful Decorated notebooks and coloured pencils to keep writing, Maybe He felt that this helped me  without telling him that, even I did not know that at the time. or Or maybe he saw that I was happy to write, so he wanted to support me. I really do not know and will never know.  Now When I read what I wrote in the past I laugh at myself, but my father never laughed on them, he just encouraged me.  He was my One and Only Fan. I really miss you dad, May Your soul Rest in Peace. May Allah who gathered us in this world, gather us in Heaven.

In 2011, My Dad Died and I stopped writing, but my active imagination never stop growing , it just get bigger and bigger. 
I remember that in college I used to sit with my friends, but mostly my brain was taking me somewhere else,A quieter place. my friends considered me as "the quiet one" in the group, but the fact was that I was the Absent one among them. My social abilities were very unsuccessful.

My characters exhausted me for a while, they were with me everywhere, they were walking beside me on the road. They used to accompany me to everywhere. I was not seeing them around me, I am not crazy. I can not explain it, but somehow they were there with me! Maybe I am Crazy! 

Last year I went through a another big crisis so I returned to writing and I decided to give that problem the time it deserve and then move on with my life, I did not run away from my Problem  to my beautiful peaceful imaginary World as I used to.

Now I am writing again, and the mess in my mind is well organised and coordinated,  With maturity. I am an Old fashion writer, I really Prefer the paper and the pen method, but if my stories can Live or Die on Wattpad ...  so why not! I will give it a try. Can story Dies here on Wattpad? In my Opinion, yes it Can, There are great stories here but the writers never complete their own stories because nobody read and nobody encourage them. there are great Stories here were murdered in cold blood.

I started Writing on Wattpad from a very short time , At first I wanted a lot of people to read my stories as everyone want, but  then I realised that I am writing here for my own self. even if nobody will read what I am Writing. I will continue my Stories. of course engorgement, feedback, comments and votes  are amazing, but if I don't get any of that, I will complete my works for my own self. I will not let my story die in a horrible way, I will let it die with dignity, I will give it an Honorable death. 

I totally understand that Writing reduce the mess in my brain , writing make me get my thoughts out of my mind and focus more on reality. when I write an idea I stop thinking about it. I'm not overthinking anymore, now I give everything in my life the time it deserve. and my social skills become a little bit better.

 I don't know why I am writing this, Maybe just to get this thought out but if someone read this some day, Know that it's Okay to be Different, it's Okay to be Unique and it's okay to be a little crazy ;) . Just believe in your self. Be sure that you are special. I am Different but I look normal to everybody.I am Different but I am a Successful in reality ^_^

Clean your mess by yourself, No body will do it for you. Well, Maybe I am Writing this for the future me.

Friday

15/02/2019