A Place In This Life

Chapter 11

"I get to go home... finally," said Todd, who had called me while I was dressing for school. He didn't not mention the message he'd left me.

"Today? Tomorrow? When?" I asked, thinking I'd find a way to sneak away from school and make a trip to Children's Hospital.

"Tomorrow. At least I have a date."

"And as long as it's helping you get better," I added.

"You know what really helped me this time? You, when you came to see me. Did you know you're the only person other than my mom who's ever visited me at the hospital?"

I realized that by virtue of being myself, and because I cared about him, that Todd was placing his hope in me to be not only a girlfriend, but also a true friend. Someone who gave a damn. A friend who would never leave, no matter what happened to him.

"I want you to stop by this weekend," said a voice from Todd's throat.

"I can come over Saturday morning," I said, calculating the hours on my fingers that I would have with Todd before running off to the movies.

"Come as soon as you can, cause I need you. You don't know how much it sucks being away. I've never felt like this about anyone before," he said, a light sigh gliding over the line, like a siren that made me want to see him all that much more.

"I'll be there at 11, unless that's too early."

"It'll never be early enough to see you, Natalie." A male voice spoke from the background, asking Todd something about nausea and maintenance. They went back and forth about medication, how Todd was feeling, and his upcoming discharge from the hospital.

Because it was taking forever, I started doing the unthinkable — filing my nails. Manicures, nail polish, and finger maintenance in general never appealed to me, as I used my hands too much, and would always end up with ridges of smushed polish in my cuticles.

"Sorry. That was the nurse telling me what I need to do when I get home. Look, I have to go, but let's plan on Saturday for a few hours, okay?"

"I'll see you around 10, then?" I tried to push the clock back even more, to guarantee that I'd have time to get ready for the movie date.

"Eleven. 10. Whatever. I'll see you then. Love you," he said, catching me off-guard.

"Love you, too," I said before hanging up. I'd always said "love" to my parents, my grandma, Cara, my nana... but saying it to a boy was a whole new experience and downright weird.

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I played back Todd's call in my mind on the way to school, effectively drowning out Cara's blabber about parties and $500 purses.

He loves me.

Was it love that I felt back? The sense of longing, the magnetizing pull of wanting to cradle Todd in my arms and take care of him... was this love? Or did I pity him, and feel sorry that his whole world was erased with one diagnosis? The sense of danger when I was with him, and his brazen attitude and questionable past held a mysterious attraction for me, even though they were marks against him. He was like a desperate fighter, trying to get back into the ring, writhing in the ropes that held him captive.

Can you love someone and still see other people? No, that's what affairs were about. Or were they? My thoughts slipped to Alex, who also had a magnetic pull on me but for different reasons. His beauty, stature, and place in life were definitely attractive. So was his innocence in the game of relationships and love. It was here that we were kin, each trying to figure out our places on the road to adulthood. Most of all, he was normal.