Hello darkness, my old friend, It is great to see you again.
I love seeing the beauty of the dark night skies, the twinkling stars, the mighty moon, and the chilly feeling.
Masyado akong nalula sa maitim at maliwanag na kalangitan sa tuwing tinitingala ko ito. It's beauty shines. I can see it's light shining on the reflection of my eyes. They are lovely...
The stars were my friends since then. They became my companion. They were the ones whom I talk to whenever I feel like talking about how my day went, about what I feel, about how deep I am lost with my own thoughts, about all the problems that I am being buried with. The stars are there when I have no one else to lean on. They became my ally.. the ones whom I share my tears with, the ones whom I share my grief with.
The night skies became a witness of my secret burden. Naging saksi sila sa mga luha, poot, at kalungkutang binuhos ko. Kalungkutang matagal ko nang gustong ibuhos, pero hindi ko mapakita kahi kanino, kasi pinili ko itong itago.
Pinili ko itong itago dahil wala namang makakaintindi sakin, wala namang dadalo sa akin para pagaanin ang loob ko sa kabila ng lahat ng sakit na nararanasan ko. They would just look at me bleed and wouldn't care. So why bother? Why would I bother to have someone to share my problems with? Abala lang ako.
I am nothing. Every person deserves to live their lives in this world... at hindi ako nabibilang roon.
I deserve to have no one else...nothing else to be with in every journey I am going through. I deserve to be alone. I'm the one who comforts myself after every suffering. I would calm myself mourning in pain. And I'm the one who heals myself after all of it, after all the destruction of the agonizing journey I've been through.
It takes one night to suffer. It takes one night to heal. To suffer from all the burden. To heal from all damages afflicted.
Suminghap ako. What if there weren't nights? What if the stars never existed? What if the moon doesn't shine?
Well, I guess I wouldn't be a moonchild if that's the case. I wouldn't have an ally. No one would listen to me. I wouldn't feel this carefree.
If only everyone has a chance to pick their lives, I would pick the peaceful one. The life with love, comfort, peace, and joy.
But mine was the chaotic one. Where I experience self-comfort, distress, conflicts, and melancholia.
Do I deserve to live this kind of life? Is this God's plan for me? But why? Why can't I have a life like some other people who has a lovely family, who has a large circle of friends, who has a wonderful life?
Can't I just have that kind of life too? The life with happiness, love, and fun?
Do I really need to suffer this bad? Does agony live in my nature?
Why?
