Saviors [A SVU and Bensler Fan Fic]

[Chapter One-Hundred-Nineteen]

3 Weeks Later

We planned the funeral at a slower pace than we had wanted. Between the case at the precinct and Mary still acting out, it took more time than expected. This was the second funeral I have planned, the first one being my father's, but it doesn't get easier. It just gets so much harder when you have to bury another parent.

"Chris asked me if Max missed Serena." Cynthia sighed, as she came into my bedroom. We had moved back to our house, and our mother's room to become a shrine to her.

"He asked me if Serena was in Max's heart like she is in his," I replied.

"He didn't ask me anything," Elliot spoke, as he came out of the bathroom in his suit, minus the jacket.

"Great, that helped us a lot," I smirked. Elliot walked over to me and kissed the back of my head, before sitting down to put his shoes on.

"Like, I guess Max has a little part of Serena in his heart like the rest of us do. It's just that this is very hard to explain. And I'm not in the greatest position to talk about it because I'm 7 months pregnant and even the smallest thing pushes me over the edge." Cynthia sighed and I nodded.

"I know how you feel, but don't worry. Once today is over, we don't have to worry about facing those who are giving us the pity stare."

"Oh, that stare sucks! I got it the day we got married." Elliot spoke, and I turned around and smacked him.

"You are lucky I haven't asked for a divorce yet, Elliot."

[*]

I stood in the front of the church with Meredith on my hip. She was fussy and even swaying her back and forth didn't work. I think she could sense that we were all upset, and I was also wondering if she was missing my mother because I know that I sure am.

"Hey." I breathed, as Alex walked into the precinct. She stepped forward and hugged me and my daughter tightly before stepping back.

"I'm so sorry, Liv. I know that she's been gone for three weeks, and I'm sorry I haven't gotten in contact with you really."

"It's okay, Alex. I know you don't really like when people die," I mumbled, and she nodded before reaching out and gently touching Meredith's cheek.

"She's getting so big." She spoke, changing the subject quickly and successfully.

"Do you want to hold her? I can't get her to calm down."

"Uh, sure... I don't hold babies that often." She breathed, and I nodded.

"I didn't hold a baby until I held Meredith after she was born. It gets easier as time goes on."

[*]

I was angry. So angry. Barely anyone came, and most of those that attended were Elliot's family and our crew. John still didn't talk to me, and it also upset me because he came and left shortly after the funeral was over with.

"I'm done." I spat, as I paced the sidewalk in front of our car.

"Baby-"

"No one showed up! Your siblings did and your parents, but not even Serena's coworkers or bosses showed up!" I exclaimed.

"Honey, what happened to your mother was horrible. The fact that she is dead is horrible. But she didn't make a lot of friends. Her parents are gone and you and Cy are her only children. Honey, I'm so sorry that your mother is dead but people just didn't show up because they didn't know her or something."

"Elliot, she wasn't a bad person in the end. She had fallen for a con man, and then he killed her. People who knew her from work should've come here. They should've given their condolences to us!" I exclaimed. The door to my van opened, and Cy climbed out.

"Liv, can we just head home? Bernie and Joseph are waiting for us there." Cynthia frowned.

"I guess." I huffed deeply.

"We didn't need fake people to be here. We came because we loved her and we wanted to say goodbye." Cynthia spoke, and I felt the tears start to stream down my cheeks. Elliot wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I sobbed into his chest once more.

All I feel like I've been doing is cry. That I cry about my mother dying. About Allen not getting a life sentence. About Mary getting in trouble at school. Because Chris keeps asking questions that I can't answer. I want to stop crying and I want to start smiling again.

[*]

We went home and we ate dinner with Elliot's family, but once dinner was over, Elliot went to the precinct to work on the case some more. Allen was only being charged with manslaughter and nothing more. It just pissed me off more to know that Alex couldn't charge him with something more. Something to make him live his nasty ass life in prison.

"Are you doing better?" Cynthia asked as she walked into my bedroom. I looked over at her and sighed.

"No."

"Want to talk?" She asked, and I shook my head.

"No."

"Come on! I demand more than a one-word answer!" She exclaimed.

"You wanna know why I'm only giving you a one-word answer?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

"Because our mother is dead. Because my daughter is getting into fights at school and has been suspended twice in the two weeks since she went back. Chris asks me questions. Where do people who die go? Are heaven and hell real? And the scary thing is is that I think I'll never get better. That I'll always be this angry." 

"You weren't this angry when Mom and Dad died." Cynthia breathed.

"I don't know why I'm this angry when Serena died but not when the two people who raised me died," I replied.

"Do you think something could be causing these crazy emotions?" She mused, and I laughed as I stood up.

"If you are asking me if I'm pregnant, I'm not. I'm just overwhelmed."

"I'll take care of the kids. Take a nice warm bath and try to relax." Cynthia spoke.

"Are you sure you can do that?" I asked, and she nodded.

"I need to make sure my little sister is not going to get burned out."

"Thanks, Cy. I love you." I whispered, and she didn't say it back but she hugged me tightly.

Some time alone may be exactly what I need.

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