Jahvie One shots (Discontinued)

30

Warning;

Triggering;

*Dahvie*

No one was home.

Usually, I would of found something to do. But not today. I was glad none was home..

I didn't want them to try to stop me.. especially Jayy.

I sat down at my small table, getting out a notepad and a pen. Tears were not coming out of my eyes.

Good

I shakily took out the pen and I stared at the book for a good couple seconds before writing.

You would think its a suicide letter..

its not..

They are my thoughts.. This isn't directed towards anyone.. unless they cared enough to read it.

It feels like I'm stuck.. In a place.. I'm forced to get up everyday. live my life, and put on a mask pretending I'm happy. The sad thing is, people don't know.. they all think I'm fine and happy. I'm actually not.. I'm suffering.. I always have been.. its like, I'm happy for a second.. but then it disappears.. as if I'm not even meant to be happy. it's like I'm being used like a whore.. Life fucks me over and over again.. and its breaking me..

I'm tired.

You would think I'm happy because I'm famous. But I'm hurting.. So bad.. I want to curl up in a ball and just disintegrate. Into absolutely.

Nothing. I thought i'd be happy the rest of my life after Jayy and I got married. But I'm not. I want to apologize. Not to anyone really. But to myself. For not being strong enough.

I'm sorry.

I got finished writing the last word as I put the pen away and I sighed, getting up and walking over towards the window. I looked out and watched the snow fall gracefully towards the ground. I envied how calm they were as they fell towards the ground sticking to the platform making a white blanket of beautiful ice crystals. I felt something wet on my face, at first I wondered what was that. Then it hit me.

I'm crying.

I gasped and touched my face, my tears sticking to my hands. I sighed as I knew I had to hurry up if I wanted to go through this without any problems.

I walked towards the little cabinet in my bathroom slipping out the secret medication I've hidden from the whole band.

My schizophrenia pills.

I made my way towards the outside without a jacket and climbed to the roof and sat at the ledge, I took a small but powerful breath as the freezing cold hair escalated out of my mouth and I watched it disappear in the night sky.
I bit my bottom lip and kept my gaze at the ground as I tried not to over think anything.
I took out my phone and held it firmly in my hands as I texted all my friend's there goodbyes. It wasn't a real big letter because well I never really cared how I ended. And if I did, I wasn't going to write goodbye letters.

I don't like suicide letters.

After I was finished, I looked at my last person who I haven't said goodbye too yet.
Jayy.

I sighed and started texting. At first I thought out I was going to say, then in less then a few seconds the words spilled out. As if my heart were writing this and taking over my hand. After I was finished I pressed send. In fear of them changing my mind I turned off my phone. And I kept my gaze on the sunset. A few minutes later I took a look at the medication in my hand and without any hesitation I dumped the whole bottle in my hands.

30

There were 30 pills in my hands, a perfect count. This would definitely end my life. And it was the exact number as my age.
I put five in my mouth. Then after that. I swallowed more and more. By the time I was finished I was crying. Tears fell harshly out of my green moss eyes as I threw the bottle towards the ground. Snow fell heavier and I sighed deeply. I felt my vision become vivid as my body became a bit lose.

This was it

The thing I've been waiting for, for the past seven years. And I was excited. I was excited for this, I was excited because I was finally meeting death.
Before I knew it my eyes closed.
"DAHVIE"
My body fell forward.
A horrible scream sounded the darkness I was sucked into.
What happened?... Then everything stopped. The sound.. The feeling,

Everything.

This is death.

(TO BE CONTINUED)
WAAAA OMG ANOTHER UPDATE? IN THE SAME MONTH HAHA hope you guys liked it. Love ALL you guys.