That's Pretty Gay, Giorno

In Which Giorno Is Not... Very Straight

In honor of the... er, most recent Jojo episode... enjoy this very silly bit of non-heterosexual fun!

"So I've got a question for you, Giorno."

"Hmm?" Giorno looks up through his eyelashes at Mista.

"Okay, first off, did you take Abbacchio's mascara? And more importantly, what was up with that pose during the fight?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," purrs Giorno, fluttering his eyelashes.

Abbacchio grabs Giorno's face in one hand.

"Yeah, that's mine." He brushes a finger against Giorno's lashes. "Buy your own."

"Aww," Giorno purses his lips. "But it makes my eyes so pretty!"

"Your eyes are already pretty," Abbacchio says darkly. "They don't need to be any prettier. Especially not if it means taking my mascara."

"Anyway," interrupts Mista, "The pose. What was your hand doing there? I was trying to aim, you know."

"It's called teamwork , Mista. I'm not surprised you'd never heard of it."

"Teamwork doesn't usually involve someone shoving his hand down my pants!"

"Clearly you haven't been doing it right."

"Your hand was in his pants?" asks Abbacchio.

"Yes," Giorno states. "It was good teamwork."

Abbacchio lets go of Giorno. "I don't believe that. Either your hand was not in his pants, or it was not good teamwork."

"Here," says Giorno. "I'll show you."

He pulls Mista up and snakes a hand around his waist, demonstrating.

"I think your hand was lower than that, Giorno."

Giorno slides his hand down the bare strip of skin between Mista's sweater and his pants until his fingers brush Mista's waistband. "Here?"

"Lower."

"Here?" Giorno's hand slips down another inch, following the line of Mista's hip where it meets the dip of his muscles.

"Yeah. That's where it was. Then I was shooting." Mista brings up his arm in pantomime.

Giorno completes the pose. "Like that, Abbacchio. Perfect teamwork, and my hand is in Mista's pants."

Abbacchio considers for a moment. Shaking his head, he reaches his decision. "Perfect teamwork. You were right." He sits back down on the couch, letting Buccellati's head rest on his lap. "But. That's pretty gay, Giorno." Abbacchio goes back to braiding Buccellati's hair.

"So Giorno. I've got a question," says Narancia.

"Hmm?"

"What was going on that one time with Mista?"

"What do you mean?"

"I showed up and he was on the bench moaning something about how he didn't want you to take his clothes off. I wasn't going to ask about it, because I was just happy you weren't dead and we had bigger things on our minds, but what was up with that?"

"Oh, that? I was healing him," Giorno chirps. "It was painful, apparently."

Narancia gives Giorno a withering look. "You should come up with better excuses."

"I was! Go ask Mista."

"Oi! Mista! Get in here a second. I wanna ask you something." Mista pokes his head into the room. "After you fought the ice dude, what was Giorno doing?"

"Healing me. Hurt like hell, too."

"Why were you saying all those things, then, about not taking your clothes off?"

Giorno interrupts. "I had to remove his clothes to get to the bullet wounds. There were nineteen of them."

"You stripped him?"

Mista turns red. "I told you not to do that, Giorno. It was totally unnecessary."

"I had to, to heal the bullet wounds."

"Unnecessary!" Mista snaps.

"It was more convenient, anyway."

"Well," says Narancia, "it sure sounded weird. And looked pretty weird." He shrugs.

"I didn't mind it. Mista was squirming around a lot so it was hard to get his clothes off, but other than that he didn't make things too difficult."

"That's pretty gay, Giorno."

"So, Giorno, I've got a question for you," says Buccellati.

"Hmmm?"

"Why are Abbacchio and Narancia so mad at you?"

"I borrowed Abbacchio's mascara, then proved him wrong about teamwork. You were there, remember? And Narancia still thinks I'm lying to him about Mista. But I'd never lie about Mista."

"And... they keep walking around saying 'Giorno's pretty gay' and 'That was a pretty gay thing for Giorno to do, don't you think?' every time you're standing near Mista."

"Well. That makes sense," says Giorno.

"Really? I'm starting to agree with them. That is pretty gay, Giorno."

"That makes sense. I'm gay. I'm dating Mista. Didn't you know?"

Narancia and Abbacchio fall out of the cupboard. "I knew it," Abbacchio screeches. "I knew it wasn't just teamwork!"

"I knew it," hollers Narancia. "I knew it wasn't just healing. You were giving him a golden experience! "

"Nah," says Giorno. "I wasn't dating him then. Just teamwork, and just healing."

Narancia and Abbacchio look at one another in mutual disappointment.

"But you guys were right," Giorno says sweetly. "I am pretty. And pretty gay."

"Whatever," Abbacchio growls. "Just don't take my mascara again."