Fragile

Chapter 1. Hatred

Can you imagine being left all alone to wonder the streets of a city you've never encountered ? Sounds like a great adventure, but when you're only five years old, it's one of the scariest experiences ever. My names Marina, I didn't deserve to go through that at such a young age or so I tell myself, this is my story.

You see, my mother always hoped and dreamed of having kids growing up she knew in her heart that she wanted to be a mother more then anything. There was only one problem, she only wanted to have sons.

Being like any other little kid all you wanted was some love and attention from your parents and of course you got it I mean you were their baby, that wasn't the case with me. My mother hated me! I was truly her nightmare come true, yeah sounds harsh but it was the truth. Luckily my dad was in love with me from the moment he first saw me and held me in his arms, I was his princess and my mother couldn't be more disgusted.

My mother tried endless times to put me up for adoption, something many people still don't know about me but my dad wasn't going to have it, there was no way he was losing his little meatball ( a nickname he gave me since I was such a chubby baby). My dad's lack of support towards my mother decisions started countless arguments between them. She wanted to get rid of me wether it was by putting me up for adoption or just giving me away somehow she just wanted me gone . She would try and comfort him by stating they would try again for a boy but my dad wasn't going to have it.

Years passed and I grew older but my mothers love didn't grow. She never payed attention to me and the things I did but i started to become use too it but I would try and shrug it off. Being finally in kindergarten was one of the most exciting experiences ever I was finally going to be able to be around other kids! My mom never let me go out with the neighborhood kids to play because she said I didn't deserve to and that they wouldn't like me just like she didn't like me so I would just stay in an play with whatever I had. Most kids thought that I wouldn't go out to play because I thought I was better then them and had all the toys in the world and just didn't want to share, if only they knew.

I would try to go above and beyond my capacity to make my mom happy or at least smile there was nothing that made me happier then to see her happy even if she didn't care for me. I would draw her several pictures of us holding hands or "I love you mommy" cards but she denied all of them. I would put so much love into them that I would cry whenever she rejected them but that never stopped me from trying again. One of the reasons I tried so hard to make her happy and to like me was because I knew she was expecting a baby I was going to have a little brother. Don't get me wrong I was delighted to be a big sister but I knew now that she had what she wanted it would be harder to get her attention and to get her to show me any kind of love. I was emotionally drained so little yet so much was going on in my little head that you can pretty much say I didn't have a good childhood. All I wanted was a chance to show her that I wasn't a bad person or to show her that I was lovable I couldn't seem to understand why she had so much hatred toward me. I just wanted someone to love me like all of my other friends were loved. I wanted that sweet kiss and tight hug from my mom and that "have a good day" comment whispered into my ear like everybody else, I wanted to see the excitement in her face after going several hours without seeing me and finally getting to and that I missed you hug. That was asking for too much, all I got was I'll see you at 12 and when you get home start cleaning your room. I enjoyed watching everyone being embraced by their loved ones it simply gave me hope that one day I too would receive the same.