Anxiety is a Secret

Secrets

What's real anymore? I'm scared that I'm going to lose myself in this world. I'm afraid that my anxiety is going to take over. Take over my body, take over my mind.

I had a panic attack a few weeks ago where my chest hurt and I ended up in the hospital ever since than I haven't felt myself. Scared to love, scared to have joy, scared to even sleep, I'm scared to die.

I've been taking pills to help my anxiety it's been helping to a certain point. What triggered it you ask? I wish I knew, I wish I could stop this terrible anxiety but it's still there. I just want to be happy with my loving boyfriend and my beautiful daughter. I want to have a family but it's hard to believe that my anxiety might get in the way of that.

If I could change one thing about myself it would be to get ride of this curse of anxiety. No worries, no fear, but happiness that's all I want. But what's really bothering me? The key to all of my anxiety. This is my secret.

I'm scared that if I share this secret it's going to push people away specially the people I love and care about. I'm scared that if they find out this secret they won't love me anymore. Even if they said they will always love me no matter what but theres always that doubt.

Smoking is a bad Habit I cut down to one cigarette a day. I used to smoke 5 and my boyfriend has been helping me cut back. He's been there ever since I started dating him. He understands me, like no other. What if he found out my secret? Would he still care for me? He said he would but he doesn't know how I feel deep inside. The secrets I've been hiding. I love him so much I don't want to hurt him.

My daughter, she's my world I don't want to leave her in this world alone. This world is a dangerous place and I don't want her going through it alone. I want to be with her, watch her grow up as the beautiful baby she is. It hurts me to know that I think about death and scared to leave her. My mother left me at a young age I don't want to do the same thing. I'm going to fight not for me but for her.

My boyfriend, I've only been dating him for a short amount of time and he already trust me. Why? I'm just a ordinary girl that he met. I'm Just like the other girls what's so special about me? That I have two kids? Maybe. He understands me with my anxiety. He wishes that he can help but I don't think there is a way to help me through this. I feel bad for him because He's not able to help.

My dad, he doesn't understand what I'm going through. He actually gets mad at me and acts like it's my fault that this happened to me, when he knows I've done this before. I wish he was just there for me through this but he's always gone off at work, or at a friends house.

Aubri, we've been friends for the longest time as long as I can remember. I'm sorry that my anxiety is treating you this way. I'm sorry that this is happening between us. I'm trying to get help but I don't know what else I can do. There's nothing that you can do to help me trust me.

Until further notice... goodbye secrets