Living the Lie

Lost

I didn't know where my fragile legs were taking me as I ran down the eery road, but as my destination came into view I realized where my subconscious was heading, I just couldn't figure out why. That god forsaken park was the last place I wanted to be, but of course it's where I would end up.

I sit down in the swing remembering the many times I came here as a child with my dad when my mother was working and Greg was at school. I remember walking around with him and feeding the ducks and talking about who knows what for hours on end. Then when Anslye was born I remember helping her learn to ride her bike on the track and cleaning her up after her many failed attempts to climb the monkey bars. I remember coming here after the breaking up with Dylan and Dacotah and Greg coming and talking to me and holding me while I cried far too many tears over him. After dad died, I remember coming here and scattering his ashes in the pond and feeding the ducks with him one last time. I always come here. I come here to get away. Away from the bad so I can escape into the better days of the past for just a moment.

I don't know how long I sat reminiscing in that swing, but it was long enough for the sun to begin setting.

I decided to lay in the grass and just watch as the sun, too, was laid to rest. I thought of how the sun would be back tomorrow though. How I wished that's how it worked for us.

As the first stars began to peak out, I heard footsteps coming from behind me. I sat up to see Dacotah and Dylan walking up to me with sorry, tired eyes.

"I knew you'd be here, you always come here," Dylan says bluntly.

I don't reply not in a talking kind of mood.

"Are you okay, Zoe?"

"I don't feel like talking right now," I state a bit harshly as I get to my feet.

"Zoey, I don't know exactly how you feel, but I do know how it feels to lose someone you love. It's not the same thing exactly, but I lost one of the most important things to me the day my mom walked out," Dacotah says tugging on my arm.

I feel a pang of guilt and sadness for my best friend. Her mom left when she was eight to be with her brother's best friend leaving Dacotah, her younger brother, and her dad behind. I know that must have hurt; her mom had a choice, she chose someone else over her family. But my family didn't, and I know if they did they would have chosen to stay. But Dacotah has her brother, dad, and his fiance. Who do I have? What do I have? I have an empty house full of my brothers sports trophies to remind me of his absence and my sister's paintings and drawings and my mom's endless photographs she insisted on taking. I have three bedrooms full of reminders that their occupants will never again lie in the beds that they once did. I have myself. I have Ralin. I remember when mom and Anslye brought that stupid cat home. She always insisted on staying with me from the minute she stepped in the house. And I have Averly and Buck. Leave it to Anslye to get Greg to bring home strays. Not even one, two strays. I didn't want any animals in our small house at first, but they all grew on me and, now more than ever, I'm glad to have them, at least I don't have to go home to a completely empty house.

After coming out of my mini-trance I turned to my friends and looked at them, really looked at them, for the first time in days.

"I'm sorry guys," I said starting to feel the tears welling up in my eyes, "I just-"

"Please, Zoey you don't need to apologize for anything. Just don't shut us out when we know you need us the most," Dylan said with such sincerity in his voice it made me fully break down. I turned into a mess and fell into mt best friends sobbing.

"Why? Why can't something work out for me?"

"Zoey, there's no real explanation for anything when things like this happen. Sadly, all we can do is accept it."

"Dylan's right Zoe. Life isn't fair, I think we all know that far too much, but it's true. But I know you, you'll make it through this. I don't know how right now, but I know my best friend and I know how strong she is."

"Thanks guys. I don't know what I would do without you two."

"Of course," Dylan said pushing my hair out of my face.

"Do you want us to stay with you tonight, babe?" Dacotah asked.

"No, I'm okay."

They share a glance before turning back to me and Dacotah says, "Call us if you need us."

I nod and they give me a hug and I turn to walk home.

As I walk I put my earbuds in and turn on my music drowning out the world around me with the loud blaring of Time Bomb by All Time Low.