A Mango Surprise

Zhu Yilong was trembling as he got off the stage and headed to where he saw He Laoshi waiting for him. Without even realising it, he fell onto him, literally. He Laoshi’s knees almost bent from the weight of a grown man twice as tall as him (with tall shoes). Zhu Yilong wanted to collapse into He Laoshi’s arms but he was conscious enough to break the hug and step aside, pretending he was under control. He understood very little of what was happening around him though. His head was dizzy, from the cold, the sleeplessness, the pills he took for the cold, the exhaustion, and the rush of adrenaline that had taken over him during the performance.

And what a performance that was….

He knew he wasn’t perfect. He knew he had made mistakes and his voice was hoarse and it broke one too many times. Of course the fans would love it and say it was ok, but he knew, he would always know, that he could’ve done better. There was that familiar feeling of disappointment and sadness that comes after every performance, all the micro-details of what could’ve been better or different. He tried to make himself not think of that.

His eyes became wet again. They had almost betrayed him during the performance, too much strain to hit the high notes and his whole head would explode, ears buzzing. Having a cold and singing is really a bad idea. Then he’d feel his stomach jump from the disappointment and his eyes would burn from tears that he struggled to hold back.

He tried to get his mind off the performance. He’d have to focus on something else and prepare for the upcoming interviews and the countdown. He’d have to ground himself to reality.

Think of something else please, he begged himself. He took a deep breath and exhaled, puffing his cheeks. He noticed the people around him, He Laoshi talking, Feng Shaofeng had come stand next to him on his left and patted him on the shoulder to greet and congratulate him. He barely managed to greet him back. Out of all the celebrities on the stage, there was one person he wished was there close to him but was nowhere to be seen.

Xiao Bai…

Zhu Yilong wondered how Bai Yu’s own performance had been that night. Of course they had to appear on separate channels. The PR teams wouldn’t hear of having them together for at least one year now. But Zhu Yilong wanted someone familiar, someone he knew, next to him, to feel the comfort of his touch, the warmth of his smile, the firmness of his hug.

He sighed and tried to clear his mind. Bai Yu was busy with his own performance right now. He drew comfort at the thought he would call him on Weixin later that night. Then he could finally see his face and hear his voice, he could let himself relax.

Someone touched his shoulder. He didn’t see who but he assumed it was He Laoshi. Someone led him off the stage. He almost tripped and fell. He couldn’t really focus on anything, everything was blurry around him.

Next thing he knew he was on another stage, two people asking him questions and a mascot coming toward him. He tried to put on a smile, pretend he was confident even though his head was spinning. The mascot wanted to take pictures with him. Oh, it was a mango mascot, mango like the channel. Smart. Of course he had to take pictures.

He heard the female presenter call the mascot “xiao pengyou”. His heart jumped. A child? Could it be a child under the mascot? He was curious. Somehow around children he could magically become less awkward, less worried, less stiff. It was almost like when he was in-character, during work. Of course, if the mascot was a little child he had to put his best face on. He tried to peak in excitedly but the mascot moved away shyly.

It’s not a child, they told him.

His heart sunk again.

He was presented with a claw-machine game. At least that felt very familiar and helped keep him more focused. He hardly realised how the rest of the night went by, talk-by-talk, question-by-question, endless waiting…