The Silence (Jack Barakat fanfiction)

Dammit

Chapter 10

[A/N] This takes place around Don't Panic era, so that's why Alex's hair isn't purple or blue. Jack's hair isn't short, and Zack and Rian still live in Baltimore. And why Lisa isn't here. The more ya know! -end-

Marie and I didn't really know what to do at the time. Jack left to get his birthday sex, and we had no idea where the others had gone. We were supposed to leave our hotel the next day. It was 2 in the morning and we both weren't tired yet.

I heard some other people come out and they were talking and laughing. It was Alex and Zack. They were walking towards us and we were just sitting there contemplating.

"Where's Jack?" Alex asked, looking around for the little skunk bean.

"Off to get his birthday sex," Marie answered for me. She was looking at Zack for a little bit longer than she intended to. I may have been cooped up in my room for over a year, but I know when someone likes someone. She was fidgeting with her lip as she was staring at him. Did she come here for Jack and I or Zack? I sighed.

"What's wrong, Lizzy?" Alex asks, concerned.

"Nothing really, I guess." I sigh again. I don't really know what I expected, coming to meet my favorite band. Talking to them like they're actual people. I didn't expect to come to Jack's birthday party or for him to act so flirty. After everything I've seen about him, I should've known that this would happen. But here I am, butthurt that he didn't take me home.

When I was with Jeremy, I didn't really know what to expect. I lost my virginity to him, and it was quick. I barely knew what was happening. We had been talking a lot before that, and we talked about our sex life. I told him I was a virgin, and he told me that his present girlfriend never did anything with him. After we kissed, and he broke up with her, we had sex. I had sex for the first time not even a week in dating him. We did it all the time, whenever we could. I think back all those years now, and I cringe. Why did I let him take something like that so early in our relationship.

Before he died, we hadn't been doing anything at all. I had put sex on hold because I just wasn't feeling up to it. It was hard to maintain, to keep track of. It made him feel neglected, and ultimately, I had killed him. That's the thought that never left my head. You killed him, my head told me. He left because of you.

I should have known that Jack would never have chosen me. After a year of not even thinking of anyone that way, not reading erotic stories that would give me my fill, or touching myself, or even watching really bad porn, I was finally excited that I wanted someone again. I know I sound conceited, or just plain slutty, but I wanted to be the girl Jack had his birthday sex with.

I wanted to kiss him, to hold him, to have him be mine even if it was just for a night. I wanted to be the one who would make him feel like a king on his birthday. That was taken away from me when I saw him walk out of that club with some random girl on his arm.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Alex running a hand through his hair. He sighed dramatically when he realized how upset I was, and saw that we were literally getting nowhere with Zack and Marie.

"How'd you guys like to go back to our place?" Alex asked us. I knew we were in Baltimore, all the guys lived here. Did they have a special place where they brought suicidal girls and girls who were Zack Merrick as fuck? I thought back to my scars on my leg, and knew I didn't want the people I idolized most in this world to even see that they're there.

"No that's okay," I responded to Alex.

At the same time, Marie said the opposite, "I'd love to!" She looked over at me, giving me an evil eye glare type, as if to tell me to not be a little bitch and accept the fact that her and Zack were going to get married one day. I sighed.