Lifeless Lungs

In the event that someone loses their sight, and the vibrancy and beauty of the world dissipates, one realizes the true gift they've allowed to slip through their fingers. Is the same not true for all the given actions in a day we take for granted? Once my breath had been stolen and my lungs emptied, I felt the true magnitude and strength gifted in a single inhale.

Pouring heaps of energy into a 20-hr day of physical overload when you're sick as a dog wasn't ideal; a team is only as strong as its weakest link and I was determined to play my part, regardless of any obstacles. One step on the field and I had already hacked up about a lung and a half, not to mention the irritating sting of "cough tears." Even once my coughing fit had calmed down, I was a mess. Melanie, a very sassy and demanding girl, ordered "don't play." A surprise to no one: I didn't listen. The next 10mins stretched into what felt like an hour of running, playing, and coughing from point A to point B. We rushed to entertain thousands of civilians who, unknowingly, watched my demise with enjoyment under the mask and glory of athletics. Cheering and screaming echoed through the tunnel as I hugged and puffed my way off the field, up, and out of the stadium. I felt the cold air brush my skin with a shiver.

Seconds later, I found myself staring at the darkness of the sky, the bright city lights in my peripherals and the jagged concrete against my back, as my chest constricted, and hands ripped my uniform from my torso. Christopher, a hero of massive height and build, hefted me up and immediately ran for the medic. I could hear the thud of his shoes against the concrete and his booming voice shout "Move!" as he weaved through the labyrinth of people and down the slope. We descended swiftly as I wheezed, grasping for breath and clutching my chest as it tightened as if being crushed by a boa constrictor. I help on to Chris with all my strength, tension radiating through my body as my lungs struggled to take in oxygen. The lights and the chaos of sound all became a blur as we sped toward the bottom of the ramp and into the mouth of the tunnel. I was met with the soft cushion of a chair and the not-so-comforting voice of the on call medic. She kept repeating "try and control your breathing," as if taking a deep breath hadn't been my goal all along. Cold air continued to waft down the ramp directly into the tunnel as I heaved in and out with barely a semblance of deeper, fuller breaths.

Numbness tingled across my limbs as I lay frozen in the chair, shivering and gasping.  I breathed in, held it, and then released, trying with renewed vigor to fill my lungs. A warm hand pressed against my cheek and my damp eyes released a torrent of fresh tears as panic taunted me from the edge of my consciousness. An infinity of minutes passed before my vision focused and became clear. The tingling sensation in my appendages remained as I expanded my chest, satisfying the burning in my lungs for what seemed like the first time. After a couple moments, I was ordered to my feet. Strong arms lifted me to stand and aided me in walking down a hall and into a warm, cozy room. A glass of water was shoved into my hands, and I was back into another chair. Sip after sip of water traveled into my system, slowly replenishing my energy and chasing away the detachment and numbness. With each inhale, I reveled in the glorious feeling and allowed my body to relax and recover.

Once I felt steady on my feet, I was led out and was immediately immersed in the commotion of people. My eyes danced over the lines, searching as I looked for direction; I found my team and wiped my cheeks clear before slipping through the crowd and into the arms of my worried teammates.

That night when I was surrounded by weeping faces, mine was dry. I'd never felt so helpless and afraid, and so out of control. Days later I would still be haunted by this feeling. Frustration came easy, but I felt even more appreciation in the ability to contribute and to truly enjoy the little things. That feeling forever changed my perspective. Until that moment, I had rarely imagined the expanse of gifts that are given in just a single day.

No matter how small and seemingly meaningless, the tiniest things can leave the largest impact.

Hope you enjoyed!!! Let me know what you think and if you have any questions, feel free to ask!

All the love
~Lulily

02/20/19

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