Love Is a Bunch of Stupid Decisions

Chapter 29

Holy.
Shit.

There was a lot of people here tonight. Or maybe it looked like this every night, and I just never noticed. My arms felt weird, like warm Jell-O. I credit that to the adrenaline rush that was currently taking over my entire body.

I'm done singing 'It Roars' before my mind can even process what's happening. My heart is beating so loud in my ears that I can't even hear myself sing, and I'm just hoping with everything in me that I don't look like a complete idiot (and that I don't pass out... although I guess that'd fit under looking like a complete idiot).

Reassurance comes to me in little bits and pieces throughout the first few songs: whether it be Ava and Sky smiling at me on stage, even if it means breaking character, or running into Ben backstage and having him tackle me in a hug before I'm rushed off to wherever I need to be for my next scene.

It's chaos. It's busy, sweaty, adrenaline-filled chaos... but I'm doing it. On the very same stage where I had seen Ben, Sky, and Josh perform in Newsies years and years ago, I was filling in for a lead Broadway role. Me, a girl with no experience whatsoever. I was doing it.

And I like to think I was doing it well. It wasn't until 'Stupid with love' that I break character, even a little bit. Ben's sitting in the seat next to me, and when I quickly glance over at him, he's already looking over at me and throws me a wink. It's fitting for his character, and as much as I try not to smile (since I'm currently singing about how I'm in love with the boy sitting in front of me), I can't help but smile.

When intermission rolls around, my entire body is still filled with adrenaline--which is good, because without it, I would probably collapse of exhaustion. "There she is!" Ben exclaims, finding me backstage. "So? How are you feeling, Broadway star?"

I sigh, shaking my head. "This Broadway star still isn't entirely sure what's going on," I laugh. "My feet hurt, my wig feels weird, and this is definitely more dancing than I've done in... well, ever," I laugh.

"Aww. Well, are you having fun?"

I pause and think about it. Getting to perform again, seeing the show from a new perspective, hearing thunderous applause for me, even the stress of quick changes. "Honestly... I am. I mean, how many people can say that they've gotten to do what I'm doing right now? I'm practically living every broadway nerd's dream," I respond, laughing in disbelief.

He shakes his head, laughing. Before he responds, a stagehand comes to find me. "They just want to run you through a few things for act 2," he says, motioning for me to follow him.

"I guess I'll see you later?" I tell Ben, running off to wherever I'm needed as he waves goodbye.

The crew runs me through some of the tricky moments of the second act, and I feel much more level-headed this time than I did for the first act. Not that I felt like I was going to do perfect on each and every aspect of it, but I was starting to thrive in the chaos.

A few minutes before the top of act 2, I finally had a second to stop and breathe. As I sipped on my water, I thought more about what I had said to Ben. Honestly, how many people would ever have the experience I was having now? If I could only go back and talk to nervous, socially-awkward and musical-obsessed 9th grade Charlotte. Oh, the things I could tell her. How the cute boy in the Broadway musical she saw would one day become the love of her life. How, one day, she'd be performing on that very stage, and how she could say that all of her dreams were coming true before her very eyes.

I've never been a big cryer-especially in front of people. But there, in the quiet darkness of backstage, I let myself cry for a second. Because that was the truth- My dreams were coming true every single day, and I promised myself then and there that I was never going to take that for granted.

Act 2 passes in an intense, fuzzy blur- one that's full of my favorite songs, my favorite people, and a lot of sweat. I couldn't help but wish that things would slow down, so I could soak in each moment a little bit more. Whether that be standing backstage and watching the audience go crazy after "I'd rather be me", or getting to slay (and I mean SLAY) "Do this thing" with Ben right by my side (which now holds the title of my all-time favorite memory), or- as cheesy as it was- trying to hold back my tears while singing "I see stars". Each moment etched itself in my heart.

When it comes time for curtain call, I'm already a wreck before I even get onstage. There was no sense stopping the tears now, I suppose. Standing backstage, still wearing my North Shore High varsity jacket, I proudly watch the people that had become my family for the last few months take their bows, like every other night. But tonight, something was different. Aside from the obvious difference of me being the lead, I had developed a whole new appreciation for every single one of them, and what they poured into the show each night.

I take a deep breath before running onstage, still begging time to stand still for just a few moments as I tried to memorize how the audience looked. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I bowed, taking in the ocean of faces in front of me. I somehow find my family quickly, and feel more humbled than ever as I watch my mom wipe a tear off her cheek as well.

Dreams coming true.

We thank the orchestra and the crew, and the lights fade off of us as the cast makes their way off stage. I'm attacked in hugs and 'You did it!'s as I make my way off, and before I'm even off the stage, Ben pulls me towards him and kisses me. A chorus of 'ooooh's erupt from the cast, making Ben and I both smile.

"What did I tell ya? I knew you could do it," He says, taking my hand in his as we all made our way offstage.

I shake my head again, laughing. I had no idea how else to respond to a night like this one.

After quickly stage-dooring, where I met several very confused fans, we all go out to my favorite bar- The BOB- to celebrate the strangest night of my life. The cast, some of the crew, and of course, my family all made it out. My family, much like me, was still in a state of disbelief. I spend a significant part of the evening answering the million questions they had for me- some of which I can't even find an answer to. How did that happen? Have you done that before? Why didn't you tell us you could sing? So you and Ben are back together? Are you going to be doing this every night now? How did they make it look like Regina got hit by a bus?

After everybody gets their food and drinks, Ben stands up and gets their attention. "I'd like to make a toast, to the most incredible woman I know," He starts, getting a huge 'awwww' from the room, and an eye-roll from me. "Not only is she the hardest worker I know, running all the marketing for an entire Broadway show at only 20 years old, but was somehow able to pull off covering a LEAD broadway role with only one hour to get ready. I don't even think a lot of us could do that," He laughs, several of them agreeing. "So here's a toast to the funniest, most talented, most beautiful girl in the world... my girlfriend, Char!"

There's cheering and clinking glasses, but I can't take my eyes off Ben. I couldn't think of any way that life could get better.

Honestly. I had everything that I had ever wanted: I had the support and love of my family for the first time ever, I had the Mean Girls team that were practically family as well, I had the love of my life, and got to travel with him and our best friends all over the country in addition to watching him do what he loves every night, and I had a job that, even if it drove me crazy every now and then, was more than I could have ever asked for.

Blessed doesn't start to cover it.

By the time I crawl into bed that night, the adrenaline had worn out of my achy body, but my mind was still racing. "Hey Ben?" I whispered, to see if he's still awake.

"Hmm?" He mumbles, half-awake.

"Do you remember that time a few months ago, when you promised me that life with you was always going to be an adventure?"

Confused, he nods.

"... I think I'm starting to see what you mean now."

A/N: Fear not, fam- I've got a chapter or two of epilogue-type-things coming at you! I'm not ready to say goodbye to Ben and Char quite yet (if EVER, honestly) (why am I so attached to these characters I created) (help)