Saviors [A SVU and Bensler Fan Fic]

[Chapter One-Hundred-Twenty]

I stared at myself in the mirror after I took the bath my sister told me to. I just stared at myself because I didn't really know what else to do. Life was confusing as hell and not knowing what may come next was screwing with my head, and honestly, screwing with my heart.

"Mom?" Mary's voice questioned from outside of the locked bathroom door.

"Yeah, Mary?" I questioned.

"Are you okay? You've been in there for a while." Mary replied. I frowned as I ran my hand over my face before grabbing my robe and tying it around my body. I walked over and unlocked the door before opening it.

"I'm fine, baby. How are you?" I asked as I walked past her to get pajamas to change into.

"I'm fine, but I know you aren't. Wanna talk?" Mary questioned. I looked over at my 14 year old and shrugged.

"I'm okay. Why don't you go and enjoy playing a game with the 6-year-old and year old downstairs." I spoke.

"You can't hide up here forever. You do have three kids who need to be parented." She huffed, before walking out of my room. I turned to look at the door, before sighing.

[*]

Elliot got home late, but I was still awake and sitting in our bed. I was wide awake and didn't really know why. I knew that everyone else was asleep, and my husband looked like he was half asleep already.

"Whatcha doing up still?" Elliot asked.

"My mind is running wild. I think I'm going downstairs. Then you can sleep." I spoke.

"Talk to me, baby." Elliot yawned, as he walked over and started to change.

"When was the last time we had sex?" I asked because I was thinking about what Cynthia had inferred earlier.

"Uh, why?" Elliot asked, nervously.

"Cynthia kinda inferred to me earlier that I was so mad and upset because I might be pregnant. I want to know if there is a chance that we had unprotected sex sometime in the last few months that might be leading to us having another child." I spoke, and Elliot walked over to the bed and sank down onto it.

"Another baby?" He breathed, and I sighed.

"I don't know yet. I'm just wondering." I replied. Elliot fell back and ran his hands over his face.

"We just adopted another kid and Mere is only a year old. We can't be having another baby." He spoke.

"If I'm pregnant, it's happening. We can't change it." I replied. Elliot looked over at me.

"Take a test, Liv. We got drunk sometime last month and we had sex."

"Amazing." I sighed, before standing up and going into the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and went back to staring at myself in the mirror for a while.

[*]

I walked out of the bathroom and climbed into bed beside my husband. He was sleeping so deeply that he was snoring more than usual. I sat the positive pregnancy test on my bedside table before trying to sleep close enough to him that I would be able to sleep, but I ended up just waking him up instead.

"Are you just now coming to bed?" He asked.

"I'm hoping that the test is a false positive," I spoke, and he leaned back and turned on his lamp, before looking at me.

"You're pregnant?" He questioned.

"Well, that's what the test said." I frowned.

"Not the best time..." He trailed off, and I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, the day I bury my mother, I find out that we were drunk and had unprotected sex again and now we are having another baby." I sighed. Elliot pointed at the test.

"Did you read it right?"

"Yes, I did." I frowned, before grabbing it and passing it to him. He stared at it for a few moments before sighing.

"We are keeping it, right?"

"We are a married couple that has good jobs, three kids, and a house. We aren't just going to throw our child away." I spoke.

"We don't need to freak out yet, right? You said it might be a false positive. You can get an appointment and get it confirmed."

[*]

I was tired the next morning. Elliot was too because we barely slept. The whole idea of not planning on having another baby so soon was driving us nuts. It wasn't the right time because Cynthia was having Max soon and I didn't want to bring another baby into the house so quickly after she has her son.

"Why are you up so early?" Cynthia asked as she came into the kitchen dressed and ready to head to the hospital for her first shift after our mother passed.

"We are worried," I spoke.

"Did Mary say something to you last night? Did Chris ask another question you couldn't answer?"

"Liv might be pregnant," Elliot spoke. Cynthia laughed as she sat beside me.

"I told you." She replied.

"You inferred, you didn't actually say it. But I'm not. I'm just going to act like I'm not until we are for sure. Also, can you take another day off?" I asked.

"Why?" Cynthia asked.

"Mom's old apartment still needs to be cleaned out. She had been paying the rent just in case because of the fights we had gotten into." I sighed.

"Yeah, I'll call in. Wanna go get breakfast and go empty it out today?" She asked, and I nodded.

"Elliot already agreed to watch the kids."

[*]

Taking some time to clean out our mother's old apartment gave Cynthia and me some time to talk and just be alone together. We hadn't really discussed our mother's death, and being surrounded by the items that I used to look at every day for 6 years, kinda made me want to talk.

"Do you want the toys that she kept in this box?" Cynthia asked, and I took the box from her and sat it on the couch before going through it.

"This Barbie was one I stole from another kid in the 1st grade. See, she pulled it away from me and she got the right arm while I got the rest of her body." I spoke, and she laughed softly.

"Mom tried, you know... she tried to stay alive," Cynthia spoke, and I nodded.

"I almost wonder if she had kept us both if we would've been as close as we are now." I breathed, as I looked over at my sister.

"Probably. But I still wonder how we didn't know we were twins when we met." She laughed.

"We aren't identical. It's not like we are looking at a mirror and see the same person."

"Are you excited that you might be having another baby?" Cynthia asked, and I shrugged.

"I was supposed to be helping you with Max."

"It's not like we are popping the kids out at the same time. Don't worry about us. I'll be an amazing mother to him."

"You will be," I spoke.

"So, wanna keep the toys or not?" She asked.

"Not this Barbie. I don't want my kids to know that I was a mean kid."

"I'm sure they realized that by now." She grinned.

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