Four

Winter

Winter

At thirteen years old I found a dead body.

Well, I didn't actually find it, teenage girls don't go looking for corpses. I stumbled across it as I walked through freshly fallen snow on the way to my aunt Kate's house on New Years day.

His lifeless eyes stared at a cold sky; his mouth gaped open in silent scream. I remember looking at the clean slice that cut across his throat, and thinking it gave the impression of two mouths, one screaming, the other grinning from ear to ear. Shamefully, I think I may have giggled.

His right hand lay upon his chest, tightly clenching a butchers knife. Charlie Neegan slaughtered pigs for a living - had he slain himself?

"Are you dead Charlie?" I asked, just to make sure. Despite my youth, I'd already seen three corpses; my maternal grandparents, who passed on when I was nine and my father who died a year later.

Mr Neegan's prostate corpse however, was in marked contrast to the neatly dressed bodies of my family members. When the full horror of my discovery hit me, I ran home at full throttle.

......

I rushed through the door shaking with anticipation at the prospect of telling Mum about my find. She continued to knead bread as words flew from my mouth. She removed flour and dough from her fingers with a slow calm, wiped them with a towel and put on her winter coat.

"Can I come with you Mum?" I asked. This was my story; I didn't want to miss any of the drama. "No, you've seen enough," she said, giving me a maternal hug.

Disappointed, I sat to reflect on the mornings events. As an only child living deep in rural countryside, I had to make my own entertainment during the school holidays. This was better than anything I'd read in my adventure books; I wasn't going to let a real life drama slip away easily.

If Charlie Neegan had sliced open his own throat, then why? I vowed to find the truth.

......

I bombarded Mum with questions when she returned. As I expected, she gave me evasive answers. She held me close, "Try not to think too much about what you saw today. With time the memory will ease from your mind," she said, with concerned eyes.

I decided to ask no further questions, didn't want to sound overly interested; I shrugged my shoulders, "OK, Mum." She kissed my forehead and told me to get ready for bed.

I knew that my aunt Kate would visit that evening. I went upstairs and waited.

......

"Is she asleep?" aunt Kate whispered conspiratorially to Mum.

"She went up about an hour ago, she should have dropped off by now."

I lay on the floor with my ear placed directly over the crack in the floorboard, the best eaves dropping position in my bedroom.

The whispering continued.

"Is she feeling alright? The poor child, that's an awful thing for anyone to find, let alone a young girl."

"She seems fine, but the doctor told me to keep an eye on her, the trauma could come on later. He was an awful sight Kate; I'll have trouble getting over it myself."

I didn't understand why Mum had

spoken with a doctor, I wasn't feeling ill, far from it.

"Did he leave a note?" asked aunt Kate.

"I don't think so. That'll be the hardest thing for the rest of them, having no explanation. Tragedy seems to follow that poor family," said Mum.

"I know. What will they do with Charlie gone? He did everything for them. It's like they've lost their parents twice over isn't it?" said aunt Kate.